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Probius@sopuli.xyz to The Monkey's Paw@sopuli.xyzEnglish ·
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3 个月前

I wish the thing causing my hiccups would manifest as a physical object so I could beat the everloving shit out of it with a hammer and finally go to sleep.

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I wish the thing causing my hiccups would manifest as a physical object so I could beat the everloving shit out of it with a hammer and finally go to sleep.

Probius@sopuli.xyz to The Monkey's Paw@sopuli.xyzEnglish ·
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3 个月前
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  • python@lemmy.world
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    3 个月前

    Granted, it manifests as a coughing, orphaned puppy

    • Probius@sopuli.xyzOP
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      3 个月前

      Shit, I definitely couldn’t do that one. The paw wins.

  • RonnieB@lemmy.world
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    3 个月前

    It’s your brain.

    • Probius@sopuli.xyzOP
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      3 个月前

      Still worth it to make it stop IMO.

  • Mister_Feeny@fedia.io
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    3 个月前

    Look, this doesn’t even have to end with a curse.

    No fooling, if you get the hiccups just tell yourself, “I am not a fish.”

    It’s the stupidest hiccup cure I’ve ever heard. And it somehow always works.

    • GeeDubHayduke@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      3 个月前

      But, do you like fish sticks…?

    • Probius@sopuli.xyzOP
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      3 个月前

      Believe it or not, I already tried that.

    • toynbee@lemmy.world
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      3 个月前

      Also a good strategy when trying to pass your engineering exam on a mining vessel.

  • I Cast Fist@programming.dev
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    3 个月前

    Your hiccup is a leopard and your hammer is an inflatable toy one. Good luck.

    • Probius@sopuli.xyzOP
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      3 个月前

      If it kills me, at least the hiccups stop.

  • rockerface 🇺🇦@lemm.ee
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    3 个月前

    Granted. You hear the boss music, gradually getting louder.

    • Probius@sopuli.xyzOP
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      3 个月前

      The boss music… Is my music, right? I’m the boss about to beat the crap out of my hiccups, riiiight?

      • rockerface 🇺🇦@lemm.ee
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        3 个月前

        In your peripheral vision, you see a long red bar filling up. The text above it says “Hic, Lord of the Cups”

        • Probius@sopuli.xyzOP
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          3 个月前

          Fuck.

  • Mycatiskai@lemmy.ca
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    3 个月前

    Have you tried pushing all the air out of your lungs and forcing yourself to not breathe in, your body will try to inhale and your lungs will spasm. Do it for 5-10 seconds then allow yourself to breathe. I find there are hardly ever any hiccups after that.

    • tetris11@lemmy.ml
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      3 个月前

      Well yeah, when you’re dead there’s hardly anything leftover whatsoever

    • Probius@sopuli.xyzOP
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      3 个月前

      I’ve tried all sorts of breathing stuff and hiccups just break through anyway. If I inhale as much as I possibly can or exhale as much as possible, that’s supposed to make it impossible, but my diaphragm’s sheer force of evil will outweighs that of reality itself.

      • Ageroth@reddthat.com
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        3 个月前

        I’ve always been a fan of leaning over and drinking from the far side of a glass of water. Something about swallowing liquid while inverted resets whatever it is in my brain or lungs

      • ifItWasUpToMe@lemmy.ca
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        3 个月前

        Get a glass of water and a straw. Plug your ears, drink through the straw for absolutely as long as you can. Has never not worked for me, used to have a hell of a time getting rid of hiccups.

        • Probius@sopuli.xyzOP
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          3 个月前

          I’ll give it a shot next time!

  • dontbelasagne@lemmy.world
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    3 个月前

    granted, it is a titamtium diamond wall so you will die of insomnia

  • BaroqueInMind@lemmy.one
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    3 个月前

    The hammer is your finger and the manifestation of your hiccups is your fathers prostate gland

    • Uranium 🟩@sh.itjust.works
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      3 个月前

      Incidentally, IIRC one of, if not the only proven cure for the hiccups is a prostate massage, now normally it’s the person with the hiccups who gets massaged, as opposed to being the masseur…

      Though I have no idea if that technique works for women as well, or if it’s just men who have that awkwardly placed off switch

      • Shortstack@reddthat.com
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        3 个月前

        Do you have a source for that?

        …asking for a friend

        • Uranium 🟩@sh.itjust.works
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          3 个月前

          Since you asked so nicely:

          https://broomedocs.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/odeh1990.pdf

      • i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        3 个月前

        I’ll keep this in my back pocket next time my partner has the hiccups. I’ll massage her prostate and report back.

  • zero_spelled_with_an_ecks@programming.dev
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    3 个月前

    It manifests as your big toe.

    • Probius@sopuli.xyzOP
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      3 个月前

      So I’m smashing a disembodied clone of my toe with a hammer? Bizarre, but acceptable.

      • zero_spelled_with_an_ecks@programming.dev
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        3 个月前

        Though it manifests disembodied, it is still entangled with the one attached to you; they share state and sensation. The focus that maintains their entanglement is your liver. Cirrhosis or other damage to the liver causes a spotty connection that gives horrific shocks each time it disconnects or reconnects, accompanied by the sound of a dial up modem that only you can hear at THX volumes.

        • Probius@sopuli.xyzOP
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          3 个月前

          :(

  • Majorllama@lemmy.worldBanned
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    3 个月前

    I’ve heard if you snort bump of wasabi it’ll kill your hiccups immediately.

    Seems like it might create some new problems but hey. If it gets rid of the hiccups right?

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