Share some activities you’ve been interested in doing but couldn’t do because you’re closeted.

Transmasc, Transfem, Nonbinary, and Gender Non-Conforming answers are all welcome and encouraged here.

  • Bunny19@lemmy.world
    1·
    3 hours ago

    Be comfortable in my body

    Wear the clothes I like

    Express my joy at this cute thing I just found

    Feel good when I wake up in the morning

    Openly express my love for the people I hold dearest to me

    Go into stores like Victorias secret

    Stop for 2 seconds to oogle the cute dress in the window of said vs

    Paint my nails

    Listen to certain music

    Look too long at a third of the people I find attractive

    Grow boobs

    Ect ect could go on you get the idea

  • Smorty [she/her]@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    11·
    20 hours ago
    • meet up with friends again
    • (sounds weird, but) plan my future and not be so short sighted.
    • Going climbing
    • Wear super cool clothing
    • Be gay <3 (and finding someone for me)
    • Remove the large towels from my mirrors (mostly a transition thing tho)
    • Maybe find interests which don’t just serve as distractions from the status quo
    • Hopefully invest into a different career path
    • occasionally taking on an ‘entertainer’-like character without it seeming naturally *masculine*
  • dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    27·
    1 day ago

    When I was closeted I often thought about transitioning as just a way for me to finally wear dresses and skirts in public that I was secretly wearing at home. And when considering whether to take things further, I would weigh all the downsides of transition (the cost, the social stigma, the danger, relying on exogenous hormones the rest of my life, etc.) against those benefits and it would make them seem not worth it.

    But in retrospect, transition was different than I thought - estrogen changed my mood and solved mental health problems I didn’t realize were even problems, that I had lived with my whole life and had internalized as normal and just part of who I was. I would have never understood how important or necessary transition would be to my basic health and sanity.

    So yeah, now I get to make and wear amazing outfits every day I would have never dreamed of before, but that’s not really what makes transition worth it, it’s like a side bonus. The truth is that I needed those exogenous hormones, transition wasn’t choosing to need them, I needed them the whole time. The need wasn’t optional - in a real sense transition wasn’t optional.

    • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
      4·
      16 hours ago

      I find that interesting because I really expected to wind up more butch than I did. I transitioned for the body and to be seen as a woman socially. I didn’t even really start wearing makeup until I learned eyeshadow while recovering from bottom surgery.

      • dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        4·
        16 hours ago

        Huh, did you mean to respond to a different comment? Sorry, I’m just not sure how your story relates to mine. I’m interested though! What got you interested in eyeshadow at that point, and what was that process like?

        Personally I learned makeup before starting hormones, and it was crucial for the months of waiting for my first appointment. There were times I became suicidal where makeup legit helped me recover emotionally. But I wouldn’t expect myself to be butch, I’m a femme (even though I’m not straight).

        • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
          5·
          15 hours ago

          The differences between our initial approaches to our transness was interesting to me. Mine being “I may not even bother with anything beyond jeans and tshirts I just want a female body under it” vs your wondering if hormones would be worthwhile and wanting them to enable you to be comfortable dressing feminine everywhere.

          I’d been interested in learning for a while but that was a period of about a month stuck at home with a huge financial burden finally lifted. And yeah I was in my process of accepting that I’m a femme I wouldn’t be taken any less seriously as a lesbian seeking badass vibes if I was a femme.

          I had tried crossdressing for years before transitioning and it’d always only made me more dysphoric. The thing that made me embrace that I was trans was homemade breast forms. So to me a lot of makeup was also for a long while associated with that time period. I just wore eyeliner on special occasions.

          • dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone
            1·
            3 hours ago

            Ah, I don’t think we’re that different, maybe just the timing of things were a bit different.

            I didn’t take hormones to change my body, but rather on the possibility that it would help me mental health - wishing for a female body under the t-shirt and jeans was too much hoping for me, I think.

            Meanwhile, once I socially transitioned, I felt going back to t-shirt and jeans was akin to going back in the closet, so I forced myself to stay femme so I would stay “out”. At first I really struggled with a femme identity and makeup, until I read Julia Serano and read about femmephobia and worked through the relationship between femininity and feminism. That really helped me feel like I could use makeup, and then I just saw it as a useful tool (rather than a betrayal towards women, which was basically how I felt before then about using makeup).

            Crossdressing and anything feminizing also made me more dysphoric pre-transition, which I took to mean at the time that I wasn’t trans, lol. My transition never had to do with my body or exploration that way - I struggled with being a man in the world, and I wished I could be a woman. My egg cracked when I was looking for resources to undo male socialization because I didn’t like that I was acting as a man sometimes, and of course those resources were in the trans community and inevitably I found videos about whether you’re trans, and this video in particular about common excuses to avoid transitioning. The video so specifically applied to me and I had had those exact excuses, so I was sort of shocked to learn I really probably was trans, at least according to these videos. Previously I had only used the DSM-V’s criteria for gender dysphoria to define trans-ness, and I didn’t understand the shape dysphoria could take to recognize it. I actually accepted I was trans before I realized I had dysphoria or how bad it was.

      • dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        7·
        1 day ago

        That’s about right.

        It’s funny how I held on and didn’t transition for other people, but when I transitioned pretty much nobody cared that much. Transition felt impossible and so selfish before transitioning, yet on other side it seems like it was self-destructive to not transition and trivial compared to how difficult I thought it was going to be. (Though transition is difficult, don’t let me mislead - it’s just not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, and there are so many things that went better than I thought.)

        I guess this is just a lesson in how easy it is to rationalize and build up your fears, and how you are your own biggest barrier.

  • CyberEgg@discuss.tchncs.de
    31·
    1 day ago

    Shaving. Now, that also does have something to do with low self-esteem and being scared about how I’d look without beard since I am bearded for half my life and didn’t shave my face smooth since I was 16, but I’d like to try but then everybody and their mom would ask why and I don’t want to answer (I’m a bad liar and don’t feel comfortable lying, too).

    Edit: I appreciate y’all wanting to help, but please stop. I didn’t ask for advice, I’ll probably eventually figure something out and I kinda feel pressured and pushed, it’s really not great. Sharing your own experiences is fine, but more is really not needed (especially if you’re suggesting coming up with excuses)

    • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
      5·
      16 hours ago

      I get that. I didn’t shave my beard until the weekend before starting hormones. It was an armor I grew to protect myself (partly from seeing my face) and I let it go when it was time. I had the same reasons for not shaving sooner. So grow it until you’re ready to shed it sister. Your body is yours alone.

    • BougieBirdie@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      7·
      23 hours ago

      Hey, I’m just here after reading your edit, and I just want to say that you’re totally valid.

      I have a big bushy beard and I wear dresses and skirts and such. I know that I’m definitely in the minority, but fuck it, life’s too short not to do what you want.

      Ever since I was a kid I wanted a beard like my dad. Now that it’s come fully in, I haven’t shaved my face in a decade. It’s at least as much a part of my identity as my femininity, and the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

      Anyway, I don’t want to add to the pressure you’re feeling. You’re the only one who can say how you should live your life, and there’s no wrong answers. But I’ve lived in the closet for a long time, and while I was there it might not have been comfortable, but it felt safe. But now that I’m out, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

      • CyberEgg@discuss.tchncs.de
        10·
        1 day ago

        It should be, but isn’t exactly for my family. They’re already completely losing their shit when I tap a toe outside my usual ‘I wear black until there’s something darker’-presentation.

        • Dragon "Rider"(drag)@lemmy.nzEnglish
          81·
          1 day ago

          “I bought an electric razor to try it out and see if it’s more efficient, but accidentally shore a giant hole in my beard and had to do damage control” is also a valid answer.

          • Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
            1·
            21 hours ago

            That’s how I ended up full-body shaving (feels so much better); got an electric on a whim, did a section, waited a day, did another section clogged my tub drain and said “fuck it”, and did everything below the neck 😅

        • InEnduringGrowStrong@sh.itjust.works@sh.itjust.works
          21·
          1 day ago

          Not that you should need an excuse, but if you wanted one…

          Anytime I clean shaved, it usually genuinely started with me trimming.
          But then I take too much on one side, which looks weird and I try to make the other side symmetrical but I take too much there too until it’s unsalvageable and I just give up and shave everything.

          Either that or…
          “I found a spider in there when I woke up”
          I don’t know anyone who would question that logic.

          Edit: sorry, I had missed the part about avoiding lies in your first comment.

    • Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      3·
      1 day ago

      Yeah, I kinda wanna try shaving off my beard as well. It’d be a bit problematic for me though, all my ID has me with a beard, and i look completely different without it (photo ID gets checked a lot for work). Whole reason I grew it was because it’s so dense and grows so fast shaving smooth regularly was a pain in the ass.

    • dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      3·
      1 day ago

      When I shaved and people noticed, I just told them I used to shave that way or that I’ve always preferred it this way, and the only reason I had a beard before was because I was so busy for a while and stopped shaving to save time, so I was just getting back to my normal habits. You can probably find a similar excuse, that you have always preferred it this way and you’re just getting back into it.

      I should emphasize: men shave all the time, there is nothing suspicious about shaving your beard, hard stop.

    • 🦄🦄🦄@feddit.orgDeutsch
      41·
      1 day ago

      Been there, done that. What helped me was two things.

      1. Finding out nobody cared that much about my beard missing, except some close friends/partner but they also know me

      2. Just saying “I wanted to try something new” which is definitely not a lie :3

      Honestly shaving makes a huuge difference. Even now, a couple of months into hrt and permanent hair removal the difference a fresh shave makes for my self-recognition in the mirror is astounding!

      • CyberEgg@discuss.tchncs.de
        2·
        1 day ago
        1. Finding out nobody cared that much about my beard missing, except some close friends/partner but they also know me

        It’s mostly about my family, especially my mom. She’s a different kind of judgmental sometimes. And she’s the last person I want to get a sniff about me changing in any way.

        Honestly shaving makes a huuge difference.

        I know… I’m happy it’s long pants season again so I can shave my legs and it hits completely different.

        I might shave my face, too, but only when I don’t have to meet with my family for a few weeks so I can grow some of my beard back. After New Year is probably gonna be good time since it’s probably scarf season anyway.

    • Pipster@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      31·
      1 day ago

      I was able to use covid as an excuse as there was a chance I was going to go back to work in the labs and the advice to workers was to be clean shaven if possible. I don’t miss it one bit and after the first time I met somebody I knew they never commented on it again.