In an editorial published last week titled, “If Attitudes Don’t Shift, A Political Dating Mismatch Will Threaten Marriage,” The Washington Post’s editorial board points out that political polarization in this country has reached the point where it is now a prominent, often decisive factor in determining who Americans settle on as their potential mates. They emphasize this trend is now so acute it may actually threaten the institution of marriage as a whole. In particular, it seems that Democratic women are rejecting potential Republican suitors not only for marriage but as relationship material, all across the board. The message the editorial conveys—perhaps hyperbolically, perhaps not—is that as a consequence of this shift in attitudes, marriage itself in this country is in jeopardy.
I don’t really understand the fear mongering going on here. It’s not like if we decline past a certain level of marriages that all of a sudden marriages would go extinct. People who want to get married will still get married and people who don’t, won’t.
But I mean, even if they did, would we really be losing much anyway? Marriage has never quite made sense to me other than for tax purposes (which is a pretty cruddy reason to formalize being with someone forever imo)
It’s always seemed super short sighted. People change. And you can’t predict how they may change. Your partner that you love now could end up changing into someone you no longer love or worse. Committing to forever is just promising that you’ll stay with them even if they make you profoundly unhappy. I’ve only got this one life to live. I’m not commiting all of it to someone I may not like being around later on.
You’re missing an important part in what marriage does: Formal representation for each other, may it be law or health. That means you have someone can make decisions for you if you’re not able to (or get information about your where abouts). If both expect to stay together some time it simplifies a lot of things.
And if it turns out you don’t like each other anymore, there is always the option to get divorced.
I have no interested in marriage and I find the concept absolutely bonkers. I shouldn’t be financially and legally bound to someone to be their romantic partner. Been with my SO 16 years and we have a home, absolutely not interested in having kids and have never had any reason for marriage.
And if he ever has any medical or other kind of debt I won’t be responsible for it. I won’t be responsible for his funerary expenses etc and vice versa. I should not be responsible for someone I didn’t birth. He’s been there while I recovered from surgery at the hospital. Being married does nothing. He is listed as the one getting my life insurance and will get my savings if something happened to me. No kids, no exes, nobody to try and contest it. And if something changed I don’t have to worry about ‘divorce’ and all that bullshit. What’s mine is mine, what’s his is his. He can use my debit card if he wants and I can cut access with a press of a button if we somehow broke up, which won’t happen but still, it would be a clean break unlike married couples. Marriage is pointless.
ah, a hopeless romantic I see.
On the one hand, logically, I completely endorse your freedom and resolve.
On the emotional side, I just want people to find the other people that make them happy. Doesn’t have to complete you, doesn’t have to fill your soul with music or balance your strengths and shortcomings, they just need to be able to make you feel happy. I desperately wish there was some way to help people find these others, because there’s so many amazing people I know that are lonely, but shouldn’t be.
have a good night.
You left out the most important part.
Kids.
Yes, people’s attitudes change. You can undo everything else, but there is one thing you cannot undo: kids. There’s no going back from having a child, being a father, being a mother. Sure, there’s visitation, but that just sucks for everyone, especially the child.
Marriage is not so much a lifetime commitment to a spouse, as it is a commitment to the children you would eventually nurture.
As someone who grew up with divorced parents my biggest concern was having to deal with twice as many holiday parties. Do not stay together because of kids. If you actually care about your kids then split up and don’t try to use the kids as a barganing chip in the divorce. Be willing to work with the other parent on custody. Accept that you both need to spend time with your children (assuming there is no abuse going on). But growing up in a house with parents that hate each other is a good way to fuck up your kids for life.
yup. lived through two divorces; it’s not doing anyone any favors.
one, the kids can see it coming, unless they’re infants they know something is hinky and lying to them rarely works.
two, each individual now feels repeatedly obligated to try to make it work, to stifle the feelings they may have elsewhere or skip out on social events etc.,
I’ve never seen it work well, but boy howdy have I seen it work exceptionally poorly.
Take it from someone who grew up with parents that stayed together because they had kids. It’s terrible for everyone. Especially the kids. However bad you think visitation is, the alternative is worse.
I disagree, as a parent you can have children, but you’re stuck with your spouse for potentially the rest of your life. Your kids will probably move out of your house at some point, pursue careers and start their own families. Your kids are not going to live with you forever.