My fiancée does not know how to order off a menu. Actually she does, she doesn’t care to order from a menu like most people do.
Going out to eat with her is pretty much an hour long ordeal of me gritting my teeth while she racks up a bill 3x mine, all while trying nicely to steer her to just one item. She’ll open the menu, get overwhelmed with options, and end up ordering a la carte from places that do not work that way, asking for endless substitutions and upcharges. As an example, at a restaraunt, she might not be able to decide between a burger or chicken tenders, so she’ll ask for “a half order” of both of them, then she likes the sound of one specific dipping sauce that comes with another entree so she’ll ask for a cup of that, etc. Etc. I’ll say something before we go in, she’ll promise me she’ll just get a water, and then get a water - and a margarita. It’s draining. At this point, we go out maybe once pr twice a year unless something forces us out more than that.
The scenario that prompted this rant was that tonight was one of those times. Our bill was $82.10. My entree plus water was $10.99.
Start splitting the bill so you each only pay for what you’re eating yourselves. Jesus, man, the pussy can’t be THAT good.
What’s the root concern? Cost, imbalance, or inconvenience?
- If it’s cost, she can pay for herself.
- If it’s imbalance, don’t go 50/50. She can pay for whatever she wants.
- If it’s inconvenience (takes too long to order and get food), you can order and ask for your food to be brought out when ready. Or just wait, chill out, and enjoy some time together.
You should never worry about inconvenience to the restaurant or staff. Substituting is normal. If they can’t do it, they’ll tell you. Otherwise they’ll happily provide the food and take the money. That’s the social contract.
From your description, it looks like the main issue is #1 and #2. If so, a frank conversation should fix it. It may solve the problem, or uncover larger issues and expectations you should probably handle before getting married.
I am going to parrot what others are asking - what part of this is the biggest problem? If it’s the expense, show her the bill. Tell her it bothers you that you don’t treat the restaurant experience the same. Ask about why she doesn’t like the canned options.
But you know - I don’t think she is capital W Wrong in her approach, especially if you only go out to eat rarely. If she wants a variety, could you just order a bunch of appetizers for the table and share? We usually order for the table in expensive places, not for ourselves, we go one item at a time and share it, and that’s one of the best things about the fancier restaurants. Or go to an Ethiopian place, they serve everything on one big injera for both of you.
Communication is the issue here I think - does she see it as “you are taking her out and want her to go indulge herself and enjoy” because going out to eat is entertainment and you see it as “I want to go out to eat because it’s convenient and you are taking away the one benefit of going out to eat”. And you are going to have to manage those competing desires in some way. I don’t think it needs to be crazy expensive if that’s what’s bothering you.
How do you cook and eat at home? I really like to cook and can make food as good as we get when we go out, but if I want convenience my husband gets us takeout from somewhere. A restaurant is more for the experience not just the food.
Buffet time
Does she still do this when she’s the one paying the bill?
Jesus.
Get out now, dude.
Nah, im just being dramatic, venting. She’s literally great in every other aspect, financially speaking. We split rent 50/50, buy groceries separately, both contribute equally to a rainy day cash jar, etc. Etc. It’s just that all of that responsibility goes out when she gets to a restaraunt booth. I’m not going to tank 6 years over that, just using the community for what its made for
