Throw away account obviously but I’m sitting here, on a Friday night alone. I recently split off with my fiancee of 2 years, we were supposed to be wed in a few months. Shes off partying and living life up, and I’m happy for her. We still live together for the time being before our lease ends. This is exactly how my previous relationship ended. Ironic. She has a social circle to support her.
Well, throughout the course of 5 years, I have slowly burned many bridges of friends and over the course of 10 years, have destroyed many women’s perception of trust. The list goes on. My regret and guilt is an all time high.
On top of this, my family doesn’t really know the real me. I have such a hard time making connections with them and others at this point of my life.
I am seeking to rectify the entire situation by trying some therapeutic techniques. AMA.
Yes, I spent years on therapy. I’ve also spent just as much time attempting to self correct when I could find the chance to. I’ve been in numerous situations over the years to give me the opportunity and I’m eternally grateful for each one. Take the time to read through the rest of these comments, so you can see what I’ve been through, because I’ve answered this question before.
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That’s weird, well, I wish I could help you but I joined lemmy because its a reddit alt, so I’m unsure how to fix that for you. Are you trying to send me a DM?
It appears to be a federation glitch. No, not that I’m aware. I’m sure admins will sort it eventually. I was able to see the rl thread by visiting the post on your instance, but not my own post. I’m going to delete the photo now because reasons. I hope you are able to sort the issues. Best to you.
Ah I understand now. Well, thank you very much. I hope so too. Have a nice life. Take care now.
You’re welcome. Introspection and shadow work is hard, messy, painful and plain dirty work. I hope you are able to do the work with understanding, compassion and forgiveness of self and others. These issues could likely stem from wounding, even way back to early childhood. They probably served as a mechanism of self-protection. But they’re not serving you well now. Feelings and logic don’t always align, but with diligence and compassion for yourself, healing is possible. I do wish you all the best. And thank you for your good wishes.
I was operating so automatically throughout my younger years, not realizing that the exact reasons I was getting into deep shit were just numerous symptoms of a far larger problem stemming from early trauma. So yes, I do agree with your sentiment. Its quite damaging, playing the victim card throughout the years, only to realize that I should’ve been playing the healing + growth cards instead, choosing to learn from my mistakes and accept the responsibility of mistakes. We are fundamentally self-preserving creatures, so I wouldn’t doubt that most of my ill-actions come from a form of cope that I found useful when I was younger, but realize now that it doesn’t serve me any longer. Cheers to you. Thanks again.
Dear heart, do you know how much growth this post alone shows?! You’ve come so far and are so strong, to be able to say this, let alone publicly, even if anonymously. My heart lept in celebration, for you. I can tell you, I’ve been in that same space, and worse, sat in it way too long, feeling I was too old, too far gone to fix. Then one day, I just decided to do the work. Quit substances but a nic vape (it replaced cigarettes lol), zero alcohol, zero weed. Sat with myself, barely went out but for groceries for 3-4 months and started watching videos and reading about shadow work then kind of accidentally started doing it. Zero tv, zero social media, zero radio, just silence, reliving painful memories and dealing with rage, pain, bitterness, I forgiveness in my own heart… The slowly, slowly let go of so. much. grief. rage. bitterness. resentment. Saw how I could see myself behaving/thinking/speaking to me that way if I thought this, or it looked like that, or at least how I could feel like it (eg, doing the thing in my heart). And I forgave, first others, believe it or not, then myself. Some people I told I forgive them, most I didn’t. That was my business. And there’s always more to be done, healthy or not.
I’m so happy for you and proud of you. Healing is possible. Do the work, test periodically, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually/higher self (eg develop faith, then trust in yourself/higher power or highest self). You can do it. I believe in you. Sending love your way. We’re soul siblings.🫂
Edit: forgive my bad manners, I am so excited for you, I forgot them. You are so very welcome, and thank you so very much too. It’s because of people willing to look interested, have the shadow and do the work that lets me know the hard work is worth it. Admitting the truth to ourselves, staring it in the face without flinching, is not the biggest step, but the hardest one to take, at least for me it was. Bravo, my friend!
Some part of me wants to confide this information publicly, but I realize most people don’t exactly play ball and will usually try to take advantage of a situation like this. I would like to reference the many psychological experiments conducted in the past concerning and ascertaining the actuality of human nature. For example, take Bobo the clown. Give someone an inch, they take a mile. While this statement doesn’t apply to everyone, I’ve personally met very many people in this life where it doesn’t seem they have my best intentions at heart. The good news? I have moved past that stage in my life and currently seeking relationships that can further my growth. I have been smoking nic for almost 2 decades and well, it’s been very damaging. Started with cigarettes and entering college was when e-cigs were becoming popular, and I tried to “quit” nic using this method only to be swallowed whole into the fruity ecosystem that has irreparably damaged my lungs. I can literally feel my breaths are shallower when I’m doing heavy cardio compared to when I was much younger.
After reading your story, and relating to it, I feel sadness but hope. Because this is the very situation some of us find ourselves in. Wrestling with the constant pain. Seething and boiling over with emotions and being so hyperaware that we are doing these things to ourselves at the end of it all. No one made this bed but us, and we now have to sleep in it. But the greatest news is that we can wake up after the rest, and realize we can change our surroundings, our behavior, our outlook. Mindset can be chiseled into something sharper and clearer, until we have a distinct image of how we wish our future selves to be.
How did you manage to forgive others first? I find that if I’m drowning, I need to learn how to swim before I become a lifeguard to help others. Yes, there’s always work to be done and thats the beauty of life. There is no rest stop where we are on right now and thats completely fine, as we are fueled by our drive to complete our personal missions and I love that for us.
I lay in bed, reading your last statement, made me shed a few tears. So many years ago, I cringe at the idea of expressing myself in such a candid manner, but now I see and feel the effects of being open to these interventions with myself and others with similar situations. I can see how the world is a much brighter place when your mindset is in the right place. It doesn’t take away from some of the evil that inhabits some pockets here and there but I can learn to ignore the noise and go by the beat of my own drum. Hello my sibling, I hope life is treating you well too. Please remember that our journey is a short one so lets make the best of it while we have the chance to.