Throw away account obviously but I’m sitting here, on a Friday night alone. I recently split off with my fiancee of 2 years, we were supposed to be wed in a few months. Shes off partying and living life up, and I’m happy for her. We still live together for the time being before our lease ends. This is exactly how my previous relationship ended. Ironic. She has a social circle to support her.
Well, throughout the course of 5 years, I have slowly burned many bridges of friends and over the course of 10 years, have destroyed many women’s perception of trust. The list goes on. My regret and guilt is an all time high.
On top of this, my family doesn’t really know the real me. I have such a hard time making connections with them and others at this point of my life.
I am seeking to rectify the entire situation by trying some therapeutic techniques. AMA.
I’m unsure if you’re an actual person or a lemmy ai bot or something. I feel horrible mainly because these were all friends I grew up with and they are overlapping social circles where I made my name live in infamy for the time being.
I’m unsure if I see people as a burden, rather than seeing myself under the very same light. It has something to do with self-persecutory thoughts or similar. I’m still working through out.
Now that I’m all alone, I truly see how useful it is to have people around, for different reasons.
Not only that, but having left emotional and mental scars on the women I’ve loved. I feel terrible overall.
I’m real. Just a unusual account name. Anyway, what’s the difference if you can’t detect it? :)
So it wan’t you who “burned many bridges”, it was them who stop talking to you because of <whatever infamy you’re talking about>?
Have you stopped doing what you’re infamous for?
How do you mean detect it? Do you mean to ask why I cant detect most of my problems because I seemingly automatically engage in self destructive or self sabotaging behaviors. I’ve tried therapy in the past, and its truly helped alot. I will look more into it as I age.
And no, I burned the bridges. I made a huge deal over social media, essentially crashing out in front of all my friends with my manic posts about toxicity and snake-y friends etc. You get the picture. It was so unattractive what I was doing at the end of the day. It was tough to think about.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have the majority of them on social media, but when I try to reach out or something similar, I’m met with “read” or “delivered” for long periods of time without any reciprocation. It’s tough to think about.
I have stopped cheating a while ago. It was helpful in helping me see where I was going wrong. But I have done so much else and so much damage to many lovers, I can’t stand who I see in the mirror.