For anyone legitimately confused, there’s potentially two different things going on here:
There is a very small chance that she is now more attracted to him, since he’s been “screened” by someone else as an acceptable boyfriend.
What’s infinitely more likely is that now she’s more comfortable interacting with him because she feels he’s not as likely to take friendly interaction as anything more, now that he has a girlfriend.
You set your status on a dating app to In a Relationship instead of deactivating it. You got likes after that because you’re now passing search filters for a different demographic: nonmonogamous people
It recontextualizes things a bit - this is not purely a function of vetting, but places him in a different (smaller) category than he was in previously on the app.
I disagree - it’s the difference between a “lol, women only become interested when you’re not available anymore” trope v. “You were a single dude in a sea of single dudes, now you’re attached and in a smaller pool of nonmonogomous dudes. Pool is smaller, so more bites”.
Or this was entirely clear in the other post if reading between the lines, and I’m just very tired.
I went to the gym with my sister a couple of times. She’s really serious about weight lifting. Each time we went, several random men would tell her how impressed they were. Later she said that men very rarely approached her like that when she was at the gym alone. I figure that they didn’t want to seem like creeps so they were more comfortable talking to her when she was with another guy (me).
I went on a mushroom picking course with my sister once. It was very strange how people (in general, but yes mostly women) were talking to me compared to when she left early. It’s uh, yeah, it is what it is
Or, like so many, he’s interpreting it as teasing when its not.
My wife still browses reddit. A recent BORU was a young guy who was convinced his brother’s gf wanted to bang him. Everyone told him it was in his head, he went for it anyway…
Now his brother and gf left the family home to get a hotel, and this dumb ass - who only now saw how wrong he was - is left explaining why to the family.
Could be made up, of course. But its incredibly plausible. Lots of guys are dumb AF and either can’t pick up on any signals, or interpret everything as a signal.
So I’d personally lean towards the incredibly more likely scenario of her being friendly, and him misinterpreting it.
Exactly this, my former roommate used to flirt with me all of the time, but I knew she wasn’t actually into me. It’s just how she acts with her friends.
Meanwhile, a coworker that apparently was into me never acted as if she liked me as more than friends, so I treated her as a friend. I had to find out much later from a mutual friend after she assumed I must not have been interested.
For some people, the “obvious signs” aren’t signs at all. Other people think they’re telegraphing strongly enough to be seen, but aren’t.
It’s funny getting middle aged and how the calculus has really changed for me. I get compliments from random women all the time due to facial hair, being bald, and dropping weight. My wife laughs her ass off but does get a tiny bit jealous. That grey in the beard does things.
Yup. It’s hard for me to tell at work whether the attention I’m getting is because I’m in a leadership position (people sucking up for promotions and whatnot) or because I’m one of the few married people and thus “safe.” Regardless, I set appropriate boundaries and it works out.
Yeah, the overall stance of Lemmings is that women are perfect creatures that men shouldn’t even breathe in the direction of because we’re all just disgusting pigs and everything we do is wrong and women absolutely NEVER EVER EVER give men signals. Ever. They are not attracted to men, at all. All women want to live in a society without men and be lesbians.
Or at least that’s the impression I’ve gotten from thread after thread on Lemmy.
Only a very minor recontrextualization, it’s largely men who date nearly exclusively through apps. From what little I’ve seen, every app appears antagonistic toward (straight) men looking to date seriously, so they believe that is the way things are irl.
that would arguably be the reason i made this comment, depending on how you read the room. But ultimately, it is a negative social behavior to engage in.
There is definitely some truth here to this being a “group behavior” but in this case, it was one other person, there are three people here total, you are literally just showing up to the hunting party after the fact to grub some free food at that point. Hence my part about “dont this it this blatantly” to elaborate on what i mean here, the social aspect i’m referring to would be a community, people you’ve known and that people you know have known for many years. It’s why when somebody new shows up, everybody is cautious about the new person. And slowly warms up to them. If you instantly warm up to someone, there is either something funny going on, or you’re a very specific type of person, which may be advantageous, but in this case, probably isnt.
you’re either putting yourself in a position where you look like a bad person, or a really opportunistic person, and neither of those are good. It’s just bad vibes.
For anyone legitimately confused, there’s potentially two different things going on here:
There is a very small chance that she is now more attracted to him, since he’s been “screened” by someone else as an acceptable boyfriend.
What’s infinitely more likely is that now she’s more comfortable interacting with him because she feels he’s not as likely to take friendly interaction as anything more, now that he has a girlfriend.
I was on a dating site many years ago. Never got messaged, rarely got responses.
Met someone in real life, set my profile to “in a relationship”. Got like 5 messages within a week.
Definitely a bit of vetting going on
You set your status on a dating app to In a Relationship instead of deactivating it. You got likes after that because you’re now passing search filters for a different demographic: nonmonogamous people
It’s weird how you’re getting more upvotes than he did when all you did was summarize what he already said in a tone like it was new information.
It recontextualizes things a bit - this is not purely a function of vetting, but places him in a different (smaller) category than he was in previously on the app.
Tomato tamato. You end up in the same place and the journey looks the same.
I disagree - it’s the difference between a “lol, women only become interested when you’re not available anymore” trope v. “You were a single dude in a sea of single dudes, now you’re attached and in a smaller pool of nonmonogomous dudes. Pool is smaller, so more bites”.
Or this was entirely clear in the other post if reading between the lines, and I’m just very tired.
It’s not, and I found the original contribution you clarified helpful.
I went to the gym with my sister a couple of times. She’s really serious about weight lifting. Each time we went, several random men would tell her how impressed they were. Later she said that men very rarely approached her like that when she was at the gym alone. I figure that they didn’t want to seem like creeps so they were more comfortable talking to her when she was with another guy (me).
I went on a mushroom picking course with my sister once. It was very strange how people (in general, but yes mostly women) were talking to me compared to when she left early. It’s uh, yeah, it is what it is
https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Mate_choice_copying
“teasing me every chance she gets” sounds like there is more. On whose side is open for discussion.
Or, like so many, he’s interpreting it as teasing when its not.
My wife still browses reddit. A recent BORU was a young guy who was convinced his brother’s gf wanted to bang him. Everyone told him it was in his head, he went for it anyway…
Now his brother and gf left the family home to get a hotel, and this dumb ass - who only now saw how wrong he was - is left explaining why to the family.
Could be made up, of course. But its incredibly plausible. Lots of guys are dumb AF and either can’t pick up on any signals, or interpret everything as a signal.
So I’d personally lean towards the incredibly more likely scenario of her being friendly, and him misinterpreting it.
Don’t forget that not every woman is the same. Actions that are signals for one woman aren’t signals for another
Also true.
Either way its safe to assume not interested then, not interested now.
Here’s a handy guide to tell, is she into you.
Yes, to all of the above, with caution.
Exactly this, my former roommate used to flirt with me all of the time, but I knew she wasn’t actually into me. It’s just how she acts with her friends.
Meanwhile, a coworker that apparently was into me never acted as if she liked me as more than friends, so I treated her as a friend. I had to find out much later from a mutual friend after she assumed I must not have been interested.
For some people, the “obvious signs” aren’t signs at all. Other people think they’re telegraphing strongly enough to be seen, but aren’t.
Lmfao. “Very small chance” my fucking ass. This is incredibly common.
Whole-heartedly agree. Sometimes this site makes me feel like I’m dealing with a bunch of fat, young virgins. Yes, you’ve been screened.
My wife is mad jealous, of every woman. (Her only fault, I can deal.) Wants me to wear my ring more often.
“You know that’ll only get me more attraction?”
It’s funny getting middle aged and how the calculus has really changed for me. I get compliments from random women all the time due to facial hair, being bald, and dropping weight. My wife laughs her ass off but does get a tiny bit jealous. That grey in the beard does things.
Feels good, man.
Yup. It’s hard for me to tell at work whether the attention I’m getting is because I’m in a leadership position (people sucking up for promotions and whatnot) or because I’m one of the few married people and thus “safe.” Regardless, I set appropriate boundaries and it works out.
Yeah, the overall stance of Lemmings is that women are perfect creatures that men shouldn’t even breathe in the direction of because we’re all just disgusting pigs and everything we do is wrong and women absolutely NEVER EVER EVER give men signals. Ever. They are not attracted to men, at all. All women want to live in a society without men and be lesbians.
Or at least that’s the impression I’ve gotten from thread after thread on Lemmy.
Only a very minor recontrextualization, it’s largely men who date nearly exclusively through apps. From what little I’ve seen, every app appears antagonistic toward (straight) men looking to date seriously, so they believe that is the way things are irl.
literal parasite behavior, never do this.
Or if you do don’t do it as directly as this lmao.
Isn’t this instinct? People usually only notice such things after they’re pointed out.
that would arguably be the reason i made this comment, depending on how you read the room. But ultimately, it is a negative social behavior to engage in.
There is definitely some truth here to this being a “group behavior” but in this case, it was one other person, there are three people here total, you are literally just showing up to the hunting party after the fact to grub some free food at that point. Hence my part about “dont this it this blatantly” to elaborate on what i mean here, the social aspect i’m referring to would be a community, people you’ve known and that people you know have known for many years. It’s why when somebody new shows up, everybody is cautious about the new person. And slowly warms up to them. If you instantly warm up to someone, there is either something funny going on, or you’re a very specific type of person, which may be advantageous, but in this case, probably isnt.
you’re either putting yourself in a position where you look like a bad person, or a really opportunistic person, and neither of those are good. It’s just bad vibes.
Sure, yes, it is “bad behavior” and might have respective repercussions.