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gorysubparbagel@lemmy.world to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 1 year ago

Clarence Thomas Announces 50% Discount On All Favorable Rulings

www.theonion.com

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Clarence Thomas Announces 50% Discount On All Favorable Rulings

www.theonion.com

gorysubparbagel@lemmy.world to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 1 year ago
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WASHINGTON—Telling Americans that they must act now to avoid losing out on the chance of a lifetime, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas announced at a press conference Monday a 50% discount on all favorable rulings. “Today and today only, I’m offering half off on tilting any jurisprudence in your favor—all…
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  • sab@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    It’s convenient that the gavel is used both for auctions and for courtrooms. Both situations apparently boil down to giving it to the highest bidder.

  • samus12345@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I knew it was satire because there’s no way he’d give a discount.

  • MashedTech@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Now that is a good article.

  • Aatube@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    all principles must go!

  • Beryl@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Just take John Oliver’s motor coach Clarence, you know you want it !

  • resetbypeer@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    For a limited time only. Conditions may apply. Contact your local representative at 1-800- unconstitutional to get your benefits today.

    Live life like Clarence. You truly deserve it.

    /S just to be sure

  • sadreality@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    Welcome to the world where corruption was exposed and it now officially legalized at the highest level.

    Things will get so much worse before anything gets better… I hope y’all been hedging $LUBE

  • HootinNHollerin@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Just mention the code SCOTUS

  • HootinNHollerin@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    It’s our tax season AND election season super combo blowout!

  • yesman@lemmy.worldBanned from community
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    Removed by mod

  • balderdash@lemmy.zip
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    1 year ago

    deleted by creator

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