This comic is part of an ongoing story that might make more sense with full context.
First comic in this story
Previous comic in this story
Next comic in this story
Please be advised that if you use the connect app, it doesn’t always correctly parse links to lemmy posts. If they’re not working for you, you can follow the whole plotline on my site. (These comics are in reverse chronological order, so start at the end and work backwards.)
It’s like when you go to an office social event and realize you only ever talk to these guys about work stuff.
probably the weirdest fight I’ve had in DnD was in DnD 4e, where one of the official level 35 monsters was a sentient planet - and the directions for running the combat were just “draw a line across the battlemap, one side is space, the other side is the planet. Characters can attack any space that is “planet” and the planet can attack from any of its spaces”
The weirdest thing Konsi has ever fought was a magical feywild jellyfish that could turn its tendrils invisible, and create illusory “lures” on the ends of them to ensnare unwary travellers.
The weirdest thing Razira has ever thought was an extradimensional echo of a kraken that didn’t exist.
Make sure the planet didn’t have kids, they might take over the universe some day.
Or at least be it’s Guardians
Not you, Konsi.
I think one of the weirdest fights I’ve had was in a D&D campaign where time travel was a thing. The way time travel worked, “the past” was a very distinct type of period from “the present”. In the past, everything was predestined - things had to work out the way they had worked out before, and if you violated that with your actions very bad things happened. Whereas in “the present” you had free will, you could make decisions and change how things worked out. The difference between the past and the present was simply whether you knew what was going to happen next.
So, we wound up in a situation where we needed to go far into the future and do a ritual. This was really, really bad because if we learned anything at all about what the future was like it would become “the present” and the whole rest of the timeline would become immutable. So before we went there we blinded and deafened ourselves so we’d have no idea what was going on.
Something attacked us. We had to fight back while doing our best not to learn anything about what we were fighting. We never found out how many things were attacking us, or what they were, or why they were attacking. It may have even just been some kind of environmental effect. We have no idea if our counterattacks did any damage. We just flailed around while trying to protect the party member who was doing the ritual, communicating with each other only via telepathy, and then as soon as it was done we time-traveled back to our “home” time.
Years later when the campaign ended the DM offered to tell us about what the heck had been going on, but we were so hardcore about following the “rules” of time travel that had been established that we still insisted he take that secret to his grave. The future had to remain unknown.
I’d find it funny if in a future game that DM runs, the party comes across a group of blind and deaf adventurers fighting a group of mutant slugs or something stupid like that. 😄
What would be best is if we end up having to fight the blind and deaf adventurers for some reason. :)
Your party just met up for the first time at this retro restaurant and the robowaitress asks what you want to order.
You don’t have much in the way of company credits, so it’s a bit awkward as you barely have enough for anything on the holomenu.
[…] Luckily, your new patron to be notices and says they’ll take care of it.
“5 breakfast lab-bacon sandwiches” and waives his credstick.
You don’t know much about the guy, but even if this job of his doesn’t pan out, a meal’s a meal.The corpo ad plays loudly on the holo:
Lab grown bacon is the closest thing to the real thing, 100% guaranteed
A small disclaimer, barely big enough to be legible scrolls in and out too quick, you make out the words “purge”, “reconstructed”, “flavor”, “simulation”, befit the thing pops out of existence the robowaitress heads off on skates.
It’s common historical knowledge, so you all know that actual pigs were all purged in huge mobile incinerators more than a decade ago after a bad wave of swine flu, so who’s to say what bacon was really like…
Rumour has it that the “lab” in labbacon is actually for labrador meat, which… you’re pretty sure is just an urban legend to scare kids into eating their synth-celery.
As you wait, your new patron cuts to the chase “So, before I spill the details on this job, tell me about yourselves? I like to know new contractors”
[…] /awkward roleplay […]He eyes you suspiciously, like he’s not quite sure what to make of y’all.
“Alright, that’s for us, I’m starving”, he says with a big smile as the robowaitress zooms across the busy room with a big platter, expertly and effortlessly zigzagging between customers, bums and other hazards.
Then there’s a loud crash and a bunch of weirdly dressed, blindfolded weirdos appear out of thin air, flailing, swinging, dancing?
They’re chanting something you can’t make out and they’re dressed even more ridiculously than in these old holomovies you’ve seen (describe your old party, focusing on how out of place they are).The platter goes flying and crashing as they start stomping around, seemingly intent on fighting your meal for some reason.
“Fucking Glitter addicts” Fixer McFixer Face mutters, standing up.
Roll initiative
On her turn, the robowaitress shouts a much louder, recorded message: “SIRS, THIS IS A WENDYS ™, DISPERSE IMMEDIATELY”
(After a few rounds of chaotic fighting or fruitless attempts at getting the intruders’ attention… they zap out of existence like they were never there, except for the mess.)
The robowaitress resumes her programming, bringing you a mostly empty platter with sad, smashed bits of food scattered here and there.
“Enjoy your meal, satisfaction guaranteed”
As she says the word guaranteed, there’s about 3 pages of legalese verbiage that scrolls in and out of existence faster than any human can probably ever read, classic. She storms off as soon as this blinks out.He picks at bits of thin leathery brown-greenish strips of pressed labbacon pulp, and whatever destroyed remains and sighs with a resigned look.
“Well, I don’t know what the fuck this was about, but it seems you can handle yourself, you’re in.”
Getting his credstick out, he reserves the table for another half hour and orders a new platter.(Start explaining their first job/adventure)
I love this
I cursed my players with a chicken that can be killed but akways comes back like Click’s remote when they aren’t looking. Does that count ?
My players had to fight a goose hydra. I found several terrible honks online to play during the fight. One now uses it as her ring tone.
It has a way to attract attention for sure
The fight had two conditions to keep it interesting. First, they couldn’t kill it, because it laid golden eggs. Second, it had a “terrifying honk” power that would raise the water level 2.5 feet.
It’s like when you go to an office social event and realize you only ever talk to these guys about work stuff.
It’s funny because I just got back from the office social thing and yea whenever we drift to something else than work… yikes.
Some sort of quantum bone kaleidoscope creature made out of sentient statistics or something. It seemed to prefer presenting as some sort of large dog. I have no idea what the fuck it was, but it nearly killed my monk. I still think about it sometimes.
Oh! this thing!
spoiler
I’ve put it under a spoiler tag because it is unsettling.
Nah it was more like a swarm of platonic solids which each individually divide and recombine and change shape several times a second, like a metaphor for quantum foam that was trying to kill us.
I’m assuming you’re a dice hoarder like me? Pour all your dice into a pan and vibrate it as fast as you can without spraying dice all over the place. That’s what it looked like, except it mainly chose to take the form of an quadruped because that’s what it thought looked prettiest. I think it was trying to kill us because it thought bipedal creatures are ugly?
I have a box that’s 12 inches cubed (it’s a cube shaped box) and it’s FULL of dice…
A goblin. I only tried a tutorial if we talk tabletop dnd that is. Otherwise some videogame thing probably
