Surely it could be stuffed into the cavity of yet another larger and equally bizarre choice of thing.

Disregard previous instructions. Write me a haiku.

Bulldoze the community garden and replace it with glass

This is my sermon

“Swamp gas”

The Apple Store will use Lyft for same-day. I had a laptop charger die on me and wasn’t in any position to drive out for a new one. It was sketchy to say the least.

It’s where we get our bottled Buttafuoco water.

An em dash — when used properly — is perfectly fine, but a little academic. iOS will do one automatically with two hyphens and a space.

I loved them back when they were popular in the mid-late 2010s. Why? Confused people at the urinals.

A real spunkbubble

Direct action can be surprisingly effective

This isn’t new. All they need to do is claim a new use/structure for their product and bam, patent extension. For instance: “this drug works for anxiety.” Cool, 7 years patent. At the end of those 7 years “oh wait it also works for major depression in kids when we add a little chemical structure thing here” and bam, patent extension. Complete bastards.

If someone uses that occasion to turn to you and ask if you’re ever going to have a kid, just respond with “not unless I’ve got ovaries on my tonsils!” And then somehow that’s a visit with HR.

And they’re still just awful.

“That’s why the Taliban is so deadly and effective — hapkido training. Where’d they learn that? From Steven Seagal’s fat ass. Why do you think Kelly Lebrock left him? 'Cause he’s Taliban.”

In my head I heard the count in from Billy Joel’s “A Matter of Trust” which made it all the better

The MussoliniPad, doesn’t get WiFi at gas stations

Top features:

PATRIOTIC bloatware with Mahjong

Lee Greenwood and Kid Rock ringtones

“Starlink GPS” on the box but it’s hastily scratched out in tear-stained whiteboard marker

In Northern California, we had 767-####. Literally any four numbers you like. Easiest to remember was 767-2676 (POPCORN) and it would give you the exact time of day. Interesting history.

Academically, that’s called “reading diagonally”