Dad of a toddler with another on the way (mostly mentioning it because my experience with a newborn is relatively recent in memory). A lot to unpack here. First of all, breathe. It’ll be okay.

While it certainly sounds like having a kid wasn’t what you wanted and it probably wasn’t the right decision, it’s the one you made, so the focus now should be on how best to help you, your wife, and your child.

The good news is the absolute hardest part of raising a kid, especially your first, is the newborn stage. It gets a little bit easier with every week that passes. Sleep deprivation is a bitch and frankly, I wouldn’t put too much stock in your emotions because in all likelihood, they are probably pretty out of wack right now. I remember inexplicably sobbing at 3 in the morning (while trying to get my son back to sleep) because I was so tired. It made no sense, but I was just exhausted.

As for the crying, it may not help you, but I find it helpful to recognize a baby crying for what it actually is: a communication tool. In fact, it’s the one of the only communication tools a newborn has. When they cry, they are doing their job and telling you they have a need that needs to be met. So instead of getting irritated when they cry, you basically just run through a checklist of possible things they need, and try them out until you figure out what it is they needed. Fortunately the list of things they need at this stage are pretty simple: it’s almost always food, sleep, or possibly a diaper (my son did not care one bit about dirty diapers though, heh). Sometimes it also might be something else like overstimulation. But it’s never really inexplicable and you can learn their specific cues to more quickly narrow down what they need. You can also often prevent crying by paying attention to their non-verbal communication before they start crying: e.g, a baby will do things like rooting or sticking out their tongue when they are hungry well before they start crying for food, or get pinkness around their eyes when they are tired.

You absolutely should first and foremost try to get whatever help you can get from family and friends, if you can. It helps immensely to have a support system to lean on, even if it’s something as simple as helping with cleaning or just giving you guys a break (especially important to make time for each other, too).

As for bonding, this is going to sound a bit odd, but it’s really worth trying. Something they teach you in childbirth classes is that spending extended amounts of time doing skin to skin contact with your baby (so shirt off for you, diaper only for the baby) is really valuable for bonding (even for dads), and from personal experience I can say this is true. I did it a number of times in my son’s first few weeks and it definitely made a difference. It’s basically a chemical effect on you and your baby’s brain chemistry and it is pretty powerful. It’s also the same for mothers and babies and it’s why hospitals will have mother and baby do immediate skin contact as soon as they are born. I think it really helps you appreciate what it is that you have now.

The other thing is that your relationship with your kid is something that grows with time, especially as they get older and more interactive. It takes a few months for them to start smiling and laughing at you, and honestly once they do (and you can make them laugh), it’s a game changer. It’s so much fun, and just gets more fun as they get older.

As for your wife, you may already know this, but she’s likely experiencing post-partum depression. What she’s feeling are real feelings, but likely not based on anything rational. Human brains are just weird little things. Massive hormonal changes really fucks with brain chemistry and makes a lot of new moms have really uncharacteristic mood and behavior. Her system has been flooded with all sorts of shit for the last 9 months and giving birth is where it all comes crashing down. It’s not uncommon to prescribe anti-depressants temporarily to help new moms until things start to balance out again. Also, she should really get off TikTok/Instagram. That shit is toxic as fuck and WILL make you unhappy.

And, if it helps: there’s so much garbage information out there for new parents and it’s really fucking hard to figure out what’s good advice or not. Here’s the real deal about breastfeeding: it is by no means a requirement. Not even close. Yes, it has some benefits if you can do it, and it’s worth trying. But it is massively, and I mean MASSIVELY overblown on the internet. Pumping is perfectly fine, and many mothers do it exclusively (my sister-in-law mostly did, in fact). Formula is also perfectly fine. And a baby falling asleep while eating is REALLY FUCKING NORMAL, especially after they are just born! That being said, it can be helpful to try to start a pattern of offering food as soon as they wake up, if you aren’t already, since they’ll be most alert then and more likely to get more milk that way.

Part of being a new parent is learning to tune all that stupid shit out and make decisions for your baby based solely on what your pediatrician says and your own judgement. Even your own parents’ advice should be taken with a huge grain of salt, both because their experience is very out of date (AAP recommendations have changed a lot over the years) and they can’t remember what it was actually like very well. It’s something I wish I could go back and tell our past selves.

And props to her on the milk supply, that’s no easy feat. Guard it well and try not to waste any of it, because overproduction is typically only temporary until her body adjusts to your baby’s actual needs. Always try to restock what you use as much as possible. Oh, and keep an eye out for mastitis (clogged milk ducts that get infected). It’s super easy to get in the initial period of overproduction, because the breasts are frequently fuller than the baby actually needs, and prolonged full breasts can clog easily. Mastitis can easily burn through your supply (it can make it so the baby can’t easily get milk, and it takes time to clear up with antibiotics).

Anyway, hang in there. Newborns are the hardest and it does get a lot easier and more fun/rewarding.

Well, if using vim, this is technically also true, most likely.

What a sorry state of affairs that this is novel. Been doing this for years and always will. Fuck LLMs and the enshitifiation of this discipline.

Ah so it’s not really an export, it’s just the backing store used by some other (locally-running) program that you’re trying to reverse engineer?

In that case yeah an sqlite database is probably most appropriate, though I can see a CSV still being desirable to remove a potential sqlite dependency.

If it’s an export that will be consumed by a separate, unrelated program later, I think a CSV is most appropriate. Databases are persistence tools, not transport.

Given that, according to your comment history, you think “homosexuality is morally wrong”, I don’t think you’re going to find much sympathy here. On the whole, Lemmy has little patience for regressive ideology.

Based on what I can find, they are microscopic mites. You also have microscopic mites all over your face that you probably ingest at some point or another… So it’s really not that weird.

That’s the majority of Americans. Beyond what was almost certainly a stolen election (large scale, billionaire-bankrolled propaganda, campaigns, voter disenfranchisement, and probably voting machine manipulation), Trump’s disapproval rating since starting that shit has skyrocketed.

We are in an awful fascist quagmire of a situation that we are going to have to fight to free ourselves from, but that doesn’t mean that the actions of this administration actually represent us.

Not sure what you’re referring to, but the 4th hasn’t really changed. Maybe you’re confusing it with the (laughable) military parade Trump did for his own birthday?

Personally I’ve long found patriotism to be a pretty abhorrent concept, but I’ve always enjoyed the opportunity to spend time with my family regardless. To me, the 4th is much more about community than it is the country. And while this country is fucking awful, I do have a pretty great community around me that I’m grateful for.

The typical American pronunciation is “cruhsahnt”, with the emphasis placed on the second syllable.

I’m honestly not sure, but I’m fairly certain it’s intentional obfuscation done for the production build. Why they think it’s so important to hide class names, I’ll never know.

Just gonna drop this here: http://visidata.org/

Blows excel out of the water, at least for tabular data (which, frankly, is what all financial data should be… Cell-based formulas are a mistake).

Hmm that makes me wonder, is this his first time saying please publicly since 2016?

It’s perfectly reasonable to not want to sleep over at your parents’ house after only a month of dating. To be honest, it’s reasonable to not ever want to do that. It’s weird sleeping in someone else’s house period.

But especially after just a month of dating, your parents may as well be strangers to him. He likely doesn’t have any sense for any cultural differences between how he was raised and your family, like what behaviors are considered faux pas to your parents, etc.

To be honest I think you’re really getting ahead of yourself. Take your time with the relationship and build trust and the foundations of a great relationship. It always takes time and patience. You guys are still just starting to learn about each other.

Massive red flags all around. At this point it sounds like he’s fully “in the hole”, so to speak.

You could try to address the issue, but to be honest I don’t see it doing anything productive. He sounds pretty toxic and you can’t force people to become better… They have to want it themselves.

If you do try to address the issue with him, the important thing is to not allow yourself to get bogged down with misogynistic, manipulative bullshit. If he is dismissive of your concerns and won’t engage in a constructive conversation with you, then there’s not a lot you can do and you should move on.

My son doesn’t watch it and we have no intention of starting.

Yeah… I do hear it a lot.

I met my wife on a dating app in 2019 on Bumble (28 at the time). It can work, but you have to be willing to sift through a lot of bullshit and be patient. You also need to be able to handle rejection and mistreatment (like getting stood up/ghosted). It’s ultimately a numbers game and it takes time to find someone that is actually right for you.

I expect it’s probably also not nearly as bad for older age groups. At your age, I think people are going to be a lot more likely to be direct and know what they want.

My advice is to try it out. Worst case, you decide it’s not for you and try something else.

That’s what I’m saying.

That’s a really poor metric, because that encompasses many salaried jobs.

But yes, it’s ultimately just about whether or not you are selling your time for money, or if you have acquired enough money to exploit the labor of others to make yourself more money without doing anything yourself.