Just thought of a couple more: they have to eat unhealthy amount of meat (pork or beef only obviously) and zero vegetables (fries are acceptable). Breakfast is a mixture of (leftover) pizza, fat, eggs and any other kind of heavy greasy food. Even better if blended together so they can show how manly they are by their prowess in eating shit. They have to drink lots and lots of beer, and the first one to say they had enough (of either meat or beer) is mocked for being a lightweight.
Every time the party encounter a FEMALE they have to comment on their body and if they’d have intercourse with her or if she isn’t hot enough to be worthy of their attention. And if all of them say no but one says he’d “do her” all the others have to mock him for his low standards (see moped).
They all have to one-up each other all the time on all kind of small things.
No one can ever see another man peepee. They all have to refer to their peepees with highly sounding names that confer absolute potency (e. g. the horn of breeding).
Their horses/companion animals have to be waaaay oversized and impractical, with no real bonuses and lots of drawbacks (e. g. Brutus the destroyer, a 100kg dog that is slow, eats all the time, shits copious amounts that they have to pick up and has a dps of 2, and love scratches behind the ears).
They have to carry wallets swords on their back because it looks cool but it’s absolutely impractical. A couple of true stories on this last bit: my dad once told me I should start putting my wallet in my back pocket “like a man”. A friend of mine got back problems because he used to sit all day with his wallet on his back.
Which is kinda funny because I would use shimpoo, but gods forbid men can have some skin routine. It’s not my thing, but let people do what they want.
I am really sorry. I know how shit it feels being out of work. If you want to vent I’m here.
If that ever happen I would take it as the best compliment I’ve ever received 🫠
That desk is tidier than mine though
A kid on their bike on the pavement is not really a threat imho
Swearing is a useful skill.
Give them a double espresso and a kazoo
Also because death by shaken baby syndrome is unfortunately a very common thing
Forewarnig of “every kid is different”, so ymmv.
One of my kids would fall asleep while nursing as well but keep sucking in his sleep! But hey you found what works for you (see forewarnig).
For the first 2 weeks (at least) yeah that’s all they do: eat, sleep, fill diapers. However it’s never too early to have some cuddle/play time. Gentle caresses all over, like a light massage, especially after bath time with some oil maybe. Singing (or even just talking to them) is great as you’ll soon start to see them reacting to your voice.
As you’ll surely know their eyesight is not great at the beginning, but you will notice when they get more alert of their surrounding.
Skin to skin contact also is a great way to make them happy.
Apart for that, it’s way too soon to start worrying about “let’s not make a dick of this human”.
I recommend a book called “wonder weeks”, and once you have recovered from sleep deprivation, “raising boys”. BUT EVERY KID IS DIFFERENT, so don’t take them as the absolute truth, more like guidelines and food for thought.
Maybe get him some sensory toys, it’s a great way for them to start learning to explore stuff.
And finally, remember that kids learn by copying what they see. A lot of kids grow messed up because unfortunately they come from messed up situations.
He WILL make you mad and angry. Remember that anger is a secondary emotion, you need to be able to breathe and recognize what you’re angry at. And you can tell them, and also that you need a minute to calm down. If they see you dealing with strong emotions in a healthy way they’ll learn too (but also they WILL make you made on purpose as they learn boundaries by pushing them. Yes, they are little sociopaths).
There’s ton more stuff of course but the fact that you care and you’re concerned is already a good step. We all mess up in some way, but being able to put your ego aside and say sorry to them is a big thing. Don’t feel like you should always know the answers, we all make it up as we go!
Congratulations and good luck!
Oh I know them! Almost bought one to leave at my last day of work in the office 😂
Oh gods Thank you for this I haven’t laughed this hard in a while!
I think you mean Jami (single m).
It’s a nice concept but I’ll try to get my xmmp server nice and secured.
I go with the lore so they understand what perverse machinations shaped me
Ah, I host my own instance of piped, that solves a problem 😅
What was the most serious threat you had to deal with?
Because they don’t want to date (i. e. have some kind of personal engagement), they want to play nut and bolt.