“My kid’s school is an enemy of the state! Do you know what they were serving for lunch? CRINKle cut French fries! Suffice to say, I threatened legal action against every member of the staff until they agreed to rename them ‘Bipartisan, reaching-across-the-aisle-cut Freedom fries!’”
“Calm down! That’s his leg…”
“Irradiate the Roads? You don’t actually believe this do you?”
“Eh, gotta irradiate something!”
I can’t be the only one who sees this as: “Don’t listen to this nerd! Also, don’t you want to check your phone?”
“And, obviously, price is the SOLE mechanism we have to limit purchases. I mean, sure, we could simply not allow one dude to back up a dumptruck to push 10,000 rolls of toilet paper into-”
*crowd interrupts with cheers*
"But-BUT that would be Un-American and communist! And my father died fighting those commies!
“So that will be $65 a roll if you want to wipe your ass”
Plasticizers are chemical compounds that make materials more flexible. “No matter who you are, or where you are, your daily level of exposure to these plasticizer chemicals is high and persistent,” Volz said. “They are ubiquitous.”
Well, at least all the microplastics invading my brain are staying nice and flexible…
“It’s a good thing I don’t know what a cm is, or I’d feel violently insecure right now!”
“Doctor, you have to help me! I keep having this dream where I’m a car, but I’m always just stuck in traffic!”
‘Ah yes, the meaning here is quite clear…’
“Is it because of my subconscious dissatisfaction with the meaningless, repetitive grind that my life has become in this techno-hell dystopia?”
‘No no no, nothing like that. It just means you need to pony up the $15.99 monthly to upgrade your REM Ember’s subscription out of Serf Tier.’
Marxism
Mar xism
Mar Xi sm
Gasp, they’re right! 
Gilligan’s ISSland
“That’s right! It’s going well…”
“Sure it is. It’s just the coming back that’s causing trouble!”
Would it be a reasonable guess that this could be caused by untreated farm runoff from infected cows’ poo?
Meanwhile the Dems are whining and flailing because China has too many solar panels and EVs 
Pb is yellow and there are two more colors to go… 
“Hey, that’s not fair! They’re using an OP economic system. I’m Top-tier ‘Barbarism’ specced and I get stomped on every time. We demand that you NERF China!”
The sea level along the US coastlines is projected to rise by 0.25–0.3 m by 2050, increasing the probability of more destructive flooding and inundation in major cities
Oh, but that’s 26 years away! We’ll probably have that bridge finished and be ready to tackle the next project by then 
“Sure appreciate that the government functions just well enough to make it illegal for it to function at all…”
“Sure thing bro!”
This has the same vibe as Homer’s re-interview with the Germans
“You’ve been Shadow Chancellor for 3 years. What initiatives have you spearheaded in that time?”
“Uh, all of them?..”
“I see…then you must have some good ideas for the future as well?”
“I sure do!”
“…”
“Such as?”
“Well, uh, I wish the workers wouldn’t be so whiny about us taking all their money…Because, a lot of capitalists really like money…”
Ohh, so that’s the deal with airline food
