hello all day 15, in 24 hours ill be fully discharged and burning all this energy skateboarding with my best mate fonzy, then we’re going to play the deep rock galactic board game, ultra hyped for freedom and to start living not surviving a prison of intoxication. addiction sucks, i know a million alcoholics say this a million times a day but im never drinking again. see you tomorrow and every day forever.

happy birthday mrs gordita! enjoy x

g’day team, day 13. decided enough is enough, im out of here on friday. ive milked it for all it’s worth, gone to every lesson, taken every note. long weekend is coming up so to stay here for 3 days of nothing just for tuesday doesnt make sense to me. going to spend the weekend with fonz skateboarding, playing video and board games, trying to erase the bad memories of this place. really wish I didnt look up the history of this place, had really bad vibes ever since. straight up genocide. and the best they could do is put an anaemic garden, couple signs giving the soft version and a literal pile of rocks waaaaay down the back corner of the property. australias history is embarrasing. but if we don’t learn from it, history reshits itself. im full focused on my recovery, it’s almost become a new addiction. life is so much easier without the deceit, lying scheming plotting and planning, worrying about withdrawals/seizures and neglecting responsibilities. im writing down every check in and conversation ive had in stopdrinking in my little book to be a reminder of how shit this whole experience was and how ive grown so much as a person and im ready to begin living. thanks everyone have a lovely day

alcoholism really is a universal experience, all the shares are extremely similar. yeah I can’t stand the god stuff im hard atheist but i do have a higher power. one guy made his higher power a can of coke he kept in his glove box, then his car got stolen haha.

yep only time ive attempted is when ive been absolutely blind, its such a depressant but I just feel so much freer not having to worry about if I’ve got enough, withdrawals, money, getting arrested and all the nightmare bullshit that goes with being an alcoholic.

currently hyperactive as fk, nothing to do but play guitar, write, read pamphlets and yell at horses. I need to get busy and be occupied, make some damn mortgage payments I haven’t been to work all year, my parents have been looking after everything im so lucky and grateful.

my pleasure my friend thankyou, msg me anytime

the in ward meetings are p depressing lots of trauma dumping and bad vibes from patients id rather not hang out with, very keen to get back to my home group, when someone gets a chip they pass it around the circle and charge it up with good vibes I’ll pass around my necklace. only let a few special friends here touch it. but plan to get AA circle and triangle tattooed on my right hand over a self harm scar and this cool infinity one mick found and printed out for me, in case I get ambidextrous about drinking. generally, things are improving nightmares are subsiding, way less vivid and retraumatising, new antidepressant and looking forward to going home. i think a big part of yesterdays bad vibes was homesickness, and not just for home but for my home meeting, my job, my family. shit I’ve just spent so much time in hospitals since 2021, very over it

my first octsober :)

hey thanks v much. i shouldn’t be counting but im hyped for my first AA chip, im full commit to sobriety, today’s lesson was how much damage alcohol does to your entire body which was, idk solidifying my sobriety, terrible drug. I’ve had to detox a million times but this is my first rehab, I’ve learned so much ive laughed ive cried and im almost certain I have bipolar and a shitload of trauma to work through. thanks for the encouragement I really love checking in even tho I go way off topic, but itll be good for me to go back through and read my rehab journey. thanks friend, congrats to us on getting through another day

g’day team, was having a really shit morning, super uneasy “I need to gtfo of rehab” feeling, all that vanished when a C17 globemaster flew overhead, i shat, started tracking her on a flight path app, she headed straight for alice springs almost dead centre of australia, but she made a little dip around my hometown?? other than that, straight line, I was slightly offended. she dumped a bunch of shit at alice and is on her way back here. ill see if she does it again. day 12, learned how much damage alcohol really does in class, big yikes but been fantasizing about weed. hmm.

cool enjoy, im half kiwi kia ora bro, need to go back it’s cheaper to go snowboarding in queenstown than in oz lol

giving me ideas of what to spend all that unused beer money on, ty, maybe ill see u there

hola amigos. 10 days left in rehab, learned a lot about the history of this place, st john of god richmond, just had a walk through the old belmont house built early 1800s, ancient piano brought over from england, sorry for the shit camera

https://adb.anu.edu.au/biography/bell-archibald-2227

massive day, fonz picked me up and we went to his sick little local skatepark and shredded for 5 hours, couple of really good slams my knee is swole my feet are on fire but landed some gangsta shit I haven’t skated in years, i won the kickflip competition by a mile, no one else landed one. surfies shuvits 5-0 and 5050 stalls and the longest boardslide of my life on this cute little curb I ate shit a bunch of times but so so worth it, so immensely satisfying, but it’s right across the road from the royal air force base, 3x C130s just parked, then I hear one start up so I sprint across the road and find a gap in the trees, all props going and lights flashing, im absolutely frothing like GO MATE GO SEND IT but they powered down, would have been the perfect day to see one of those big dogs take off. but homie was like, wheres he going does he need a toilet or something? hope he doesn’t jump the fence. haha last thing I need is a felony. made friends with a little jumping spider who landed on my shirt, really appreciating the little things. going to hit the pool tomorrow before class and try cut back down on the cigs again. ive had layla by clapton in my head all day so im going to go jam, have a great day all x

congrats, day 10 here you are not alone :)

here’s a better one, she’s nearly 4 and I want to have puppies soon ish

I didn’t take any new ones cause this phone cameras so shit

evening all, had a great day never done so much exercise, hit the pool for the first time in years only 5 laps, nearly died gotta quit smoking. then ben the music therapist rocks up, brought a tongue drum which was fun as fk only got a minute to play and the nurse said, davie your mum’s down at reception so I bolt down the hallway and stairs across the courtyard rip open the door and big long happy tears hug, we go out and dad’s standing there with muffin and she went beserk licking my face, cuddles and paw prints on my clean white shirt which I refuse to wash or take off cause they make me happy to look at. there’s a communal dog toy in the courtyard so I ran back and grabbed that, she had it in 3 pieces in half an hour omg pumpkin that doesn’t belong to you. she’s a very good girl sometimes. I couldn’t keep my skateboard at the ward so I sprint back to the ward tell the nurses were heading out back in about 2hrs, sprint back again fucking dying but not stopping I was so hyped. went to fonzys dropped off the board grabbed lunch and more fetch at the park. saw some horse nerds playing polo that was, unique. it was really tough seeing her little face out the window looking back at me when they drove off, but she’s very proud of her new and improved dad.

oh and mum picked up my higher power necklace i only wear it when I’m sober, so it hasn’t been worn much it’s a kiwi jade fish hook and it keeps me safe. having a shit time I hold on to it. having a good time I hold on to it. just chilling I hold on to it. story goes maui made a fish hook from his grandmothers jawbone and used it to pull up a fish so big it became the north island of new zealand. felt empty and alone without it, now I feel complete

fonz is picking me up tomorrow early and we’re going to skate for 8hrs and be back in time for AA at 4. very keen. double digits tomorrow, im really kicking goals over here guys, and I fkn love checking in here, such a tight lil community and if anyone wants to talk about anything im happy to. hope you all had as good of a day as I did. take care

I do not have a choice it’s going to be a great weekend, you too :) was refreshing lemmy like crazy so hyped to check in and update you lovely people

major update, 20min before the meeting the old chair came up to me and asked for a chat, of course, how bout we put all this behind us, become mates again I said absolutely I apologize and he apologized, we hugged and he complemented me on my guitar playing, I said I miss his company, I asked for the letters I wrote to him back so I could burn them but he understandably tore them up. I invited him to the meeting he declined but said monday for sure. THEN just before started the young lady who said she’d never attend another meeting again I saw her walking up the hallway towards us and my heart just swelled up and I was like FUCK yes welcome back. we lost 2 members and gained them back.

we really nailed step 8 and 9, but not promptly enough but that’s ok addiction is about making mistakes.

oh and the day ended with the most vivid rainbow ive ever seen. such a rollercoaster.

15 hours til muffin gets here ! she’s going to flip and be so proud of her new and improved daddy, mums going to film her lil yippy freakout HELLO DAD I MISSED YOU THROW THE BALL I’ll put it on youtube for you guys

day 8, still in ptsd rehab land so trigger warning trauma I won’t go into detail but okie dokie buckle up gang today was ROUGH. I’ve been up since 3am and so was chris, a combat vet, 14 years of service seen all kinds of horrible horrible things. we sat and drank coffee and talked guns and combat all morning, he felt he could open up to me cause he lives and breathes music, always got headphones in, and yesterday I found the ward guitar I was literally unable to put it down I played all day after not playing for over a year, anyway he really enjoyed it and thanked me because he was having a prick of a day and my guitar playing really cooled him off which, made me feel incredible and overwhelmed I’ve only ever played for myself I never thought I could help anyone with it, that alone made me cry. anyway after he shared a very fucked up story, friendly helicopter crash, 7 deaths 10m away from him, I said “holy shit dude I met the devil when I was a child but you have been through hell and back”, he said something along the lines of “don’t ever say that, trauma is trauma (he put his hand on my heart) it’s about what’s in here and what we do next that counts” which was so validating and I just fucking crumbled guys like found a quiet spot and just bawled my eyes out realising how much work I’ve gotta do because I’ve been avoiding it for the last 15 years getting blind every day, it didn’t take long for michael and the nurses to find me, into the consult room with a psyche, we talked and I forgot/relearned the golden rule of not comparing trauma. went for a long walk chainsmoking found a secluded area way up the back of the carpark and screamed FUUUUUCK as loud as I could a few times, people heard but I didn’t care. i saw an empty beer bottle in the long grass and I instantly took a step towards it to check if there was any left and stopped myself almost instantly which is FANTASTIC FUCK YEAH cause yucky, anyway I smoked all my cigs and went back to the ward, stood in the hot shower for about half an hour, made a coffee, got some nicotine gum and 10mg diazepam from the nurses and found another quiet secluded corner to watch the rain coming over the mountains (the view here is phenomenal) and just cried thinking about how much hard work ive gotta do, I hear footsteps so I huddle up further so I don’t get seen, the footsteps stop, I start to panic and then I just hear the gnarliest loudest wet fart ive ever heard in my life and I absolutely lost my shit laughing, said fucking NICE and I just hear this deadpan flat

“thanks”

which made me laugh so much harder im losing my shit laughing just writing this omg. rollercoaster day. im ok now much calmer and fresh cigs.

im learning so much and finally having emotions that aren’t just, fury, sickness and occasional ecstasy of using.

ward AA tonight, the old chair quit and won’t be attending because he interrupted a share and she stormed out in tears which pissed everyone off so we lost two members which is devastating cause the program has really helped me and I want it to help others but there’s no changing their minds.

hope we all have a great day, lots of love and take care of ourselves ❤️

the little faces awwwwww I love her what a good girl