I used to hang out with some behavioral psychology (BF Skinner stuff) graduate students. They transport pigeons head-down in juice pitchers; I asked them how they got the pigeons into those pitchers, and they showed me that they just open the cages and hold the pitchers up and the birds dive into them, sometimes knocking themselves out in the process. They are into that lever-pressing shit, although TBF that’s mainly because they’re maintained at 80% of a normal diet so that the reinforcing effect of the food pellets is maximized.

FWIW pigeons can be trained to do some pretty interesting shit. Skinner had them playing ping-pong, and really competing at it - like, they got rewarded for winning shots, not just for hitting the ball back. Skinner also had a scheme going to use pigeons to steer flying bombs into enemy ships during WWII.

You killed your appetite by drinking too much agent orange juice.

My former company had an offshore team in Bangalore (actually, 90% of our company was located there). We had a morning meeting right before a critical release, and the offshore leader told us that nobody there would be able to do anything or even be in contact for the next two or three days. Turns out they were moving to a new office building but nobody there had told the US team anything about it - even though they knew our project schedule. This was completely representative of our communication with them.

Or the outer wall of a 20th floor suite.

Born on third base and thinks he scored a touchdown.

Current company was just bought by a bigger company.

This is exactly what happened to me.

They will spend as little money on you as possible to make you go away.

I actually got a severance from my big company, first time I ever got anything for being let go. TBF it totaled about $100 less than what I would have gotten for unemployment benefits; this prevented me from qualifying for unemployment, but it did mean I didn’t have to pretend to be looking for work for six months to get the money.

The women who work there are also cute - and I drive some of their children to school every day. They are like the last people in the world that I would want to see me with a copy of Mein Kampf.

I knew my layoff was coming because they let me do absolutely fucking nothing for six months.

I read an article a few years back about Mein Kampf and I decided I wanted to read it for myself (for the record, I’m not a nazi or a Hitler supporter - fuck off Kanye). I grabbed a copy at Barnes & Noble but there was a cute girl working the cash register and I just couldn’t bring myself to go through with the purchase. It’s available online but there’s no way I’m going to do that - my Youtube suggestions are bad enough as it is.

Later on I read about Hitler’s second book and I was like c’mon, there’s no fucking way I’m asking for the sequel to Mein Kampf.

A toaster oven can do most things that a full-sized oven can do.

And then imagine paying another $10 for Uber Eats to deliver it to you cold.

I do recommend drugs, at least weed and the hallucinogens.

Their Shakes are pretty good.

my parents also wanted me to stop listening to it because my dad found one article about a guy who beat up his girlfriend and he apparently liked Metallica

My dad once picked me up from a party when I was in high school in the 1980s; he noticed a video that was playing on MTV and was highly disturbed by the imagery in it, as he told me later (many times).

The video was “Cuts Like a Knife” by Bryan Adams. My dad thought he was losing me to Satan because of fucking Bryan Adams!

no pun intended

None taken.

Yes, it will take him some time to sift through all the secret intel that only popes get to see lol.

LOL

extra power under load to the rear wheels

Lol like there’s enough room back there to add a load.

“Shoot the bad guys before they shoot you.”

It might be even more entertaining if I said who this famous author was. But on the other hand, it might punctuate your equilibrium!