I go with my gf to her grandmas lake house every year, and while its relaxing and fun, I absolutely notice a change in her demeanor, I find I have to walk on eggshells around her and every other thing I say or do seems to be wrong and warrants nagging. I have confronted her about this but she seems to deny any change in behaviour is happening and just retorts with “well I told you xxx!”
Obviously her family is stressing her out but it kills me that she won’t acknowledge that, especially since I’m such a straightforward person who likes to discuss what’s going on. And that shes such a family girl on top of that. I’m planning on marrying her but i m just not sure how to discuss this particular point of contention with her first, because it’s one of the few things she’ll get actually defensive about
Try talking to her about it, when you two aren’t going to be or have not been around her family recently. And start the conversation on the topic of how its affecting her, not you. Express concern for her, bring up how it seems from your point of view. That she feels the need to change who she is when she is around her family and your worried about how its affecting her mental and doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship with her family. And be open to her response. Be prepared for this to take awhile cause it all likelihood this is a lifelong thing for her. And while your at it examine how you might change around family and how well you hold your boundaries with them. Then tell her about your conclusions. This can be an opportunity to grow as people together.