A house, two cars, a healthy relationship ,a career, livable wage, 2.5 kids, a dog. ya know, the expectation many children were told in school.
Everything I hear on social media says this is a myth.
25, no friends, never had a romantic relationship, barely ever go outside the door, living with my parents, still drudging through the last year of uni and still dealing with the aftereffects 1 year of lockdown had on my brain. But hey, at least i have lots of free time to stare at the ceiling.
Yeah… mid 30s, stable healthy friendships, been with my long term partner for ten years, we have a nice house and two dogs, my career is going great, we’re comfortable.
This is not a question that anyone wants me to answer right now, when my wife (34) has just been transitioned to hospice with terminal cancer. We’ve been married for 3 years and she was diagnosed 4 months after we were married.
I wish the best for all of you.
Mines taken a bit longer than planned but got married and bought a house with my wife. Then split up, got divorced, let her keep the house because it was near her family and nowhere near mine. Started again from scratch at 31rented for a few years and saved up on my own (covid lockdowns really helped me save). Bought a little home of my own at the end of 2021, quite small but big enough for me and it’s less than a 10 minute walk to woodland, my new low stress (but low paid) job, a gorgeous park, shops, gyms and the train station. It took a while and it wasn’t easy but this is the happiest I’ve ever been.
I’m living with my cat in a rental apartment and that is absolutely according to plan.
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That’s what I did, but it was the late 1990s so things were a bit different. Married with a kid, single-income household on the salary of a high school dropout. Fortunately for me the software industry was easy to get into back then and housing was cheaper. Funds were tight for a decade or so, but it’s gone well.
My kids all moved out in the past 5 years, skipped college and are living on their own with livable wages from jobs they like, more or less, and homes they own; one with kids, one renting their own place with a life-partner. Not having student loans helps, as does living in the forsaken US midwest where housing costs aren’t terrible (the tradeoff being that entertainment options can be more limited than closer to the coasts. A decent one bedroom apartment in a safe area is like $900, mortgage on a somewhat crappy medium-sized house like $1200, provided you got in on those sweet 3% mortgages).
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I had zero plan beyond “live on my own, away from my parents, and try to sustain that.” The churches I went to as a kid emphasized getting married as soon as you’re old enough and having a ton of kids, so I did the opposite and was a feral stoner nerd/wook for a decade and a half. One day I was doing a hungover stumble from my apartment back to my car and saw a guy my own age playing with his small daughter at the playground. She’d fallen off the swing and he was hugging her until she stopped crying. I still can’t fully describe the feeling I had there, but I shrugged it off immediately as “that ship sailed. I’ll just dedicate myself to hobbies and non-serious relationships.”
Now I’m married, have a kid, and live in a house. Life’s weird.
I have this, and to be honest, it’s exhausting to maintain.
I think that’s why you see social media push back about it being a myth.
The idea of “normal” that we pretend is true started after WW2. The US was highly unionized, highly industrialized, and most other countries were either former colonies that had been gutted economically, or were European powers that were decimated by the war.
We stepped into the manufacturing void, and suddenly one income was adequate to provide for a family. That’s not the case anymore. If your family happens to have resources now, you can maintain the semblance of that lifestyle, but you will probably need two incomes and will always be at risk of losing it.
We absolutely must, as a society, change our conception of “normal” and stop penalizing people for trying something new. Going back to some old ways may have benefit as well.
For example, multigenerational housing would solve a huge number of my problems. I want a kid, but I don’t want to pay a second mortgage for daycare. I can keep myself clothed and fed, but cleaning the house suffers. If you have more people under one roof, then you have opportunities for economies of scale that just don’t work when we all live in our own cloistered enclosures. There’s more resilience in that sort of system, and we need to be engaging with ideas like this to land gracefully as the world continues to fall apart.
My brother and I live together. A lot of people think it’s weird but it’s been great for both of us. I worked part time while going to college while he footed most of the bills. Now he’s a full time student and I’m paying for everything. We get all the household benefits of a married couple (shared chores, lower food bill, cheaper housing per person, mixed finances, etc) without the risks.
Success in early adulthood heavily depends on having familial support, especially from your parents. We don’t have that, but together we can still pool resources and do better than if we were alone.
Yes.
40 - together with my wife since we were 18. Both finished university with 25/26, got married at 28. 3 kids (boys) 11/7/3. Bought 2 flats (Europe) and merged them to one huge one. I’ll own one in about 8/9 years and the other one will take longer.
No dog tho.
Depends on whose plan you mean. My life certainly isn’t perfect or awful, I’m content with what I’ve got, but things could be much MUCH better with a few changes that are unfortunately out of my hands.
This made me ask more questions.
If there was a plan, who made the plans for us?
If it’s a myth, why is it being being taught?
I’m not dead or in jail, so I’m doing alright. When I think about it, a lot of the things we were fed as kids was never the whole story, nor was it all true.
I generally don’t use social media (outside of lemmy) because most of it is about trying to sell parts of your life to people that usually lacks context. It’s great for sharing ideas and information though.
More or less. I have a good career (albeit one I’d like to escape if ever possible), a wife and a good marriage, 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cars, and a modest house.
We’re doing alright for ourselves.
A house that’s paid for, wife, two kids, dog, zero consumer debt, very stable job, but I’m pretty much the most miserable person you’ll ever meet. It goes to show that you can have everything but still not be happy.
