Turns out the reply in my thread telling me the best way to combat not caring about Linux is to care about Linux was absolutely correct.
I picked up a laptop, installed Linux Mint Cinnamon, and I’m already obsessed. I haven’t had this much fun with a PC in a long time and it’s just a cheapo Dell Inspiron 3520.
No one suggested Clonezilla?
They better not have. Full disk images are such a waste of time and storage space. Plus you have to reboot to do it. Just backup your data with rsync seriously.
At least with clonezilla you can have a bootable backup.
With rsync, you have to boot to a live medium, reinstall boot loader and adjust the UUID in the fstab.