Listen along to a badly recorded version here. Fuck I need a better mic. How many mistakes can you spot?

I Re-Recorded It using actual effort.

Calling all Starfleet Captains and Intrepid-Class explorers! It’s time for a cosmic breakfast adventure with ‘Tribbles n Bits’ cereal, because boldly going where no taste bud has gone before has never been this much fun! These crunchy bites are more than great tasting; they’ll tickle your throat more effectively than a Vulcan with their nerve pinch!

Made from whole grain quadrotriticale, just like the most distant colonies prone to falling into a deep and endless void of damnation by heretical xenos, ‘Tribbles n Bits’ will power you up for your day of boldly going where no one has gone before, and we promise you won’t need to recalibrate your dilithium crystals.

But hold your phasers, there’s more! Each box of ‘Tribbles n Bits’ includes a free Captain Pike collectible figure with his beep beep chair – perfect for those times when you just need to communicate in style. It even lights up and includes noises such as the guttural moaning of eternal despair and the psychological damage of a Captain infinitely tortured by all that he has lost and the mistakes he has made.

And here’s the fun part! Inside the boxes are tiny, edible, and absolutely non-replicatable Tribble-shaped marshmallows. A little nod to our furry, troublemaking friends from the past. Rest assured, they won’t multiply in your stomach, but they might just tickle your sense of adventure and implant a parasite within you that may or may not call out to the others of its kind, deep in the far reaches of space.

So whether you’re on a five-year mission or just heading to work, make ‘Tribbles n Bits’ your breakfast companion. It’s a cosmic start to your day. Have a bowl in the morning, and you’ll be beaming with energy!

Get ready for a taste that’s breaching with flavor, a collectible that’s more fun than a Ferengi auction, and the charm of the Alpha Quadrant. ‘Tribbles n Bits’ – because breakfast should be a voyage of discovery!"

Warning: Consuming Tribbles n Bits cereal may result in irresistible laughter. Captain Pike collectible figures are for fans of all ages, beep beep chair included. Betazoids and other telepathic races should be noted that being close to the Captain Pike figure may cause you to experience dread and soul-shredding agony beyond your wildest imaginations. It’s also important to note that while ‘Tribbles n Bits’ are not known to reproduce, eating them in excess may lead to them staging a French like revolt in your throat leading to them eventually choking you to death. Do not consume with Moops! All Terrors as it results in… unpleasant side effects. Enjoy your ‘Tribbles n Bits’ responsibly, and remember, the prime directive of cereal consumption is to have fun!

Now back to the Season Finale of Car Talk with Martok!

Season 1:

Source: DominionMediaTV