The best way to be happy, IMO, is to find people with similar interests, and ideally a good variety of different types of people that share your interests (i.e. don’t hyper-focus on one). Maybe you’re into board games, so look around for some board game groups (library, meetup, etc). If you go that route, make sure to practice a bit of restraint until you find a good group you can vibe with (e.g. don’t take it ultra seriously if others aren’t), which may not be the first or even fifth group you play with. Or maybe you’re into cheese making or carpentry. Or maybe you just want to try those things out. There are groups for pretty much every interest in most metro areas, so look around.
Some tips:
practice good hygiene
if you’re neurodivergent, it’s cool to mention that at the start, just don’t keep bringing it up
try to keep discussion pretty surface-level until you get more comfortable w/ the group (i.e. don’t bring up deep MtG lore at a cheese making meetup)
There’s no simple solution here, but trying out a bunch of different groups and going slow can certainly help. I had two roommates who were on the autism spectrum, and one had a very healthy social life while the other was largely a recluse. The one with a healthy social life was upfront about being neurodivergent (and asked for help navigating social situations), careful about exposing too much at once (took us months to realize we were all into GZDoom), and generally took good care of themselves. They also had confidence, but that comes from practice, and it’ll be hard at first. We tried our best to get the recluse to join our groups, and we were somewhat successful, but at the end of the day he just didn’t put in the effort.
I don’t know what specific issues you have, so I don’t know if any of this will help. But hopefully you’ll find it’s worth a try. Don’t be something you’re not, you’ll likely just feel unfulfilled, but also be careful to not unload on others until you find the right group to open up to.
I got the basics covered, in fact I tend to be fairly anxiety riddled about making sure I meet bare minimum expectations if I go out of my way to socialize. I only really let myself go (in multiple ways) when I’m depressed. Which admittedly I probably am right now.
Its funny you mention board games. I’m actually not super into board games on an intrinsic level unless its a supremely nerdy/crunchy game. I get very meticulous/competitive/analytical/meta-gamey but I do go to casual board game meet ups anyway because its “fun enough” and I can socialize occasionally.
I think though you hit on a key element: I don’t live in a metro area. I live in a rural hellscape, and commute into a small city. And for a number of reasons I tend to not socialize after work and instead head straight home. I’m usually tired after work and I worry about driving home later than that potentially and driving exhausted. (45 minute commute)
get very meticulous/competitive/analytical/meta-gamey but I do go to casual board game meet ups anyway because its “fun enough” and I can socialize occasionally.
You’d probably like some of my coworkers then. My boss let us do a “team building” activity playing Twilight Imperium, and we’re all pretty analytical types. If you were in my area, I’d introduce you.
But failing that, you can try asking if anyone knows of other groups that plays something more your speed.
I’m usually tired after work
Totally fair. Is moving closer to the city an option? 1:30/day must suck, I do that 2x/week (40-ish there, often an hour home) and WFH the other two, and even that much gets old.
While I’m not neuro-divergent or anything, I am quite introverted and a little socially anxious, so maybe I understand some of what you’re going through. Or maybe not, idk. But I do know that I need some amount of social interaction even though it’s draining.
Anyway, good luck! I hope you find something that works for you.
Why tho?
The best way to be happy, IMO, is to find people with similar interests, and ideally a good variety of different types of people that share your interests (i.e. don’t hyper-focus on one). Maybe you’re into board games, so look around for some board game groups (library, meetup, etc). If you go that route, make sure to practice a bit of restraint until you find a good group you can vibe with (e.g. don’t take it ultra seriously if others aren’t), which may not be the first or even fifth group you play with. Or maybe you’re into cheese making or carpentry. Or maybe you just want to try those things out. There are groups for pretty much every interest in most metro areas, so look around.
Some tips:
There’s no simple solution here, but trying out a bunch of different groups and going slow can certainly help. I had two roommates who were on the autism spectrum, and one had a very healthy social life while the other was largely a recluse. The one with a healthy social life was upfront about being neurodivergent (and asked for help navigating social situations), careful about exposing too much at once (took us months to realize we were all into GZDoom), and generally took good care of themselves. They also had confidence, but that comes from practice, and it’ll be hard at first. We tried our best to get the recluse to join our groups, and we were somewhat successful, but at the end of the day he just didn’t put in the effort.
I don’t know what specific issues you have, so I don’t know if any of this will help. But hopefully you’ll find it’s worth a try. Don’t be something you’re not, you’ll likely just feel unfulfilled, but also be careful to not unload on others until you find the right group to open up to.
I got the basics covered, in fact I tend to be fairly anxiety riddled about making sure I meet bare minimum expectations if I go out of my way to socialize. I only really let myself go (in multiple ways) when I’m depressed. Which admittedly I probably am right now.
Its funny you mention board games. I’m actually not super into board games on an intrinsic level unless its a supremely nerdy/crunchy game. I get very meticulous/competitive/analytical/meta-gamey but I do go to casual board game meet ups anyway because its “fun enough” and I can socialize occasionally.
I think though you hit on a key element: I don’t live in a metro area. I live in a rural hellscape, and commute into a small city. And for a number of reasons I tend to not socialize after work and instead head straight home. I’m usually tired after work and I worry about driving home later than that potentially and driving exhausted. (45 minute commute)
You’d probably like some of my coworkers then. My boss let us do a “team building” activity playing Twilight Imperium, and we’re all pretty analytical types. If you were in my area, I’d introduce you.
But failing that, you can try asking if anyone knows of other groups that plays something more your speed.
Totally fair. Is moving closer to the city an option? 1:30/day must suck, I do that 2x/week (40-ish there, often an hour home) and WFH the other two, and even that much gets old.
While I’m not neuro-divergent or anything, I am quite introverted and a little socially anxious, so maybe I understand some of what you’re going through. Or maybe not, idk. But I do know that I need some amount of social interaction even though it’s draining.
Anyway, good luck! I hope you find something that works for you.