I can’t really put my finger on it but it’s almost like the game gave me imposter syndrome, as if by some fluke I was where I was at, and everyone was probably much more knowledgable about timings and map awareness. Felt a little more risky than it should have, trying risky things, that kinda thing.

There wasn’t any sort of MMR-based practice mode where I could just fuck around and not be a tryhard against similarly-rated players and I think that kind of fed into that, like if you want an even matchup it’s gonna be on the book so you gotta play to win at all times.

At some point I just felt committed to trying to win every match, eventual weird vibes from it