Here is the english version of my now famous “Fallait demander” ; now available as a book with other stories : Orders available here or here or here ^_^ Thanks Una from unadtranslation.…
Not a woman, so feel free to downvote. I’d note there’s no yard work, car servicing, plumbing or electrical work, Bills and finances, and so on. While I agree that in general men don’t do their share of the housework, I think it’s important in a relationship to ask, understand, and acknowledge what the other person is doing. Maybe it’s actually a fair bit and it’s invisible to you. (Same goes the other way, obviously; it’s important to communicate is my point)
My husband does all those things but I also do a lot of the “every other weekend” type chores, too, like organizing all of our stuff, back to school supplies shopping, maintaining our appointment calendars, and dealing with our children’s change of season clothing swaps. There are always projects and we split them.
I do consider him sharing the housework as 50/50, however, because he does daily tasks, also. He does the cooking, half of the cleaning, half of the schlepping of children to doctor’s appointments and playdates, as well as other as needed things. The daily chores is where the rubber meets the road.
He has also been taking on more small but important daily tasks like monitoring our email inboxes for emails from our kids’ schools. I think its more than equitable given that the early years of our lives with children i was either nursing through the night or holding/wearing infants throughout the day. I think a lot of men don’t seem to register the overnight labor or the constantly carrying babies and infants as labor (it was freaking exhausting).
Thanks Janet. Seems like you two do a great job of communicating. Would you say you both share the management tasks 50/50 as well? With me and my wife, neither of us “owns” the problem, we just both do things to solve it based on what annoys us. It works pretty well usually, but I do feel like we should draw lines to say “no this is definitely my project to manage”.
Would you say you both share the management tasks 50/50 as well?
I think it depends on the task. We have our areas that we focus on (e.g., me laundry, him cooking) but there are others where we come together/alert each other of issues or tasks that are coming up (e.g., selecting afterschool for our children).
Yeah interesting. I feel like there’s also a sort of ownership that comes from actually doing the work, so doing the cooking means managing the cooking, but things you both need to share are managed in a shared way too, like school pickups (almost everyone I know has to co-ordinate these).
I feel like comics like the above sometimes give men the permission to not “own” being adults, because “that’s just how men are”, but fundamentally that’s not true. In my view, the right and masculine thing to do is to do half the work and communicate, share, etc.
The argument completely collapses with one thought: okay, would you be okay with me telling you everything that needs to be done, and you do it all? No? Then it isn’t 50/50 is it?
OK, I agree that management is work, but I don’t agree that it’s half the work. It’s this kind of argument that allows CEOs to be paid millions. They manage thousands of people, after all, the business responsibilities fall on them!
It’s a load of rubbish, and frankly, you know it is because if I flipped that around you would not be happy. ie: You don’t have to “own the problem” of cooking, cleaning, bills, mowing, etc. I’ll set up a roster and then you can do all the work. It’s still half the work right?
In a practical sense, for our house we work as a board of directors. Talk about the problem (Often it’s as simple as declaring what you’re doing, “I’m making X do you want some”), share ownership, help out when the other person is struggling, lean on them when you are stuggling, and share your plans. Like 80% of the problems I’ve had in who does what and when have been resolved by just sitting down and talking about it. It sucks, it’s adulting, but it’s also the only way that’s fair. Other people divvie up the work (you own cooking I own children) or spaces (you own kitchen I own garage) etc.
Not a woman, so feel free to downvote. I’d note there’s no yard work, car servicing, plumbing or electrical work, Bills and finances, and so on. While I agree that in general men don’t do their share of the housework, I think it’s important in a relationship to ask, understand, and acknowledge what the other person is doing. Maybe it’s actually a fair bit and it’s invisible to you. (Same goes the other way, obviously; it’s important to communicate is my point)
My husband does all those things but I also do a lot of the “every other weekend” type chores, too, like organizing all of our stuff, back to school supplies shopping, maintaining our appointment calendars, and dealing with our children’s change of season clothing swaps. There are always projects and we split them.
I do consider him sharing the housework as 50/50, however, because he does daily tasks, also. He does the cooking, half of the cleaning, half of the schlepping of children to doctor’s appointments and playdates, as well as other as needed things. The daily chores is where the rubber meets the road.
He has also been taking on more small but important daily tasks like monitoring our email inboxes for emails from our kids’ schools. I think its more than equitable given that the early years of our lives with children i was either nursing through the night or holding/wearing infants throughout the day. I think a lot of men don’t seem to register the overnight labor or the constantly carrying babies and infants as labor (it was freaking exhausting).
Thanks Janet. Seems like you two do a great job of communicating. Would you say you both share the management tasks 50/50 as well? With me and my wife, neither of us “owns” the problem, we just both do things to solve it based on what annoys us. It works pretty well usually, but I do feel like we should draw lines to say “no this is definitely my project to manage”.
I think it depends on the task. We have our areas that we focus on (e.g., me laundry, him cooking) but there are others where we come together/alert each other of issues or tasks that are coming up (e.g., selecting afterschool for our children).
Yeah interesting. I feel like there’s also a sort of ownership that comes from actually doing the work, so doing the cooking means managing the cooking, but things you both need to share are managed in a shared way too, like school pickups (almost everyone I know has to co-ordinate these).
I feel like comics like the above sometimes give men the permission to not “own” being adults, because “that’s just how men are”, but fundamentally that’s not true. In my view, the right and masculine thing to do is to do half the work and communicate, share, etc.
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The argument completely collapses with one thought: okay, would you be okay with me telling you everything that needs to be done, and you do it all? No? Then it isn’t 50/50 is it?
OK, I agree that management is work, but I don’t agree that it’s half the work. It’s this kind of argument that allows CEOs to be paid millions. They manage thousands of people, after all, the business responsibilities fall on them!
It’s a load of rubbish, and frankly, you know it is because if I flipped that around you would not be happy. ie: You don’t have to “own the problem” of cooking, cleaning, bills, mowing, etc. I’ll set up a roster and then you can do all the work. It’s still half the work right?
In a practical sense, for our house we work as a board of directors. Talk about the problem (Often it’s as simple as declaring what you’re doing, “I’m making X do you want some”), share ownership, help out when the other person is struggling, lean on them when you are stuggling, and share your plans. Like 80% of the problems I’ve had in who does what and when have been resolved by just sitting down and talking about it. It sucks, it’s adulting, but it’s also the only way that’s fair. Other people divvie up the work (you own cooking I own children) or spaces (you own kitchen I own garage) etc.