"At press time, the Israeli Defense Forces Twitter account underscored the massive surge of contempt they were contending with by posting a video that featured the shocking savagery of a Palestinian corpse that refused to condemn Hamas even when kicked. "
😐🤣
At press time, Danforth expressed confidence that a diplomatic resolution could be reached that would permit Gaza’s collapsed healthcare system to kill the Palestinians instead of war.
Damn, they are on point!
Lordy, they aren’t pulling punches, are they?
I love it
most significantly, it could hurt our quarterly revenue, which is the worst tragedy imaginable.
Here lies the root of the issue, we’ve simply reached the logical conclusion of a greed based economic system.
[…] some believe it is the responsibility of a newspaper of record like The Onion to delve fully into the nuances of a complex and multifaceted conflict that stretches back not just decades but centuries. These people are wrong.
LMFAO
Why? First, because this editorial board doesn’t like getting yelled at. Second, there are going to be way fewer people with way less power mad at us.
I love this article lmao
And most significantly, it could hurt our quarterly revenue, which is the worst tragedy imaginable.
Amazing.
The whole thing is great.
“What of the tens of thousands of Palestinian civilians killed before this attack?” some may ask. Our response is simply that we aren’t going to engage with that because it would be too hard. We also won’t be addressing Palestinians living in refugee camps without access to clean water, electricity, or housing. Others may ask, “Isn’t it your responsibility to provide context, particularly on thorny issues such as this one?” To that, we merely say: No, shut up. You’re being annoying.
The Onion’s 9/11 coverage was incredible to behold. “Hijackers surprised to find themselves in Hell” was just brilliant.
I was living in lower Manhattan when that happened. Seeing that onion issue was the first time I laughed after the fact
The prior year I was living at 225 Rector Place, and on the day I was working at the top of One Canada Square, which was then Europe’s tallest office building. It was a nervous day.
Why? First, because this editorial board doesn’t like getting yelled at. Second, there are going to be way fewer people with way less power mad at us.
Not untrue.
Holy shit the Onion had a massacre
The onion never misses
Ted Kaczynsky’s (Unabomber’s) signature among the editorial staff is a nice touch.
This hits too close to home to be funny
It can be easy to forget that while the onion is often one of the funniest things out there, it remains and always has been a satirical newspaper first. And sometimes satire needs to bite more than amuse in order to be truly effective.
I’m sure Gazans would agree if they weren’t buried under all that rubble
Home? What home?
Well, they could at least try to rofl.
I’m pretty sure the Onion’s editorial board doesn’t live in Gaza.
Ugh, too wordy for me.
Just show me a list of pictures of dead kids and bombed cities so I can do my virtual rubbernecking without having to switch my brain on.
Heads on, or off?
Ooh, I don’t mind as long as I can pretend that two million people support it so I’ll feel less bad when they’re bombed.
Called the President a terrorist
Corporate sponsors like, ‘how the fuck you gonna embarrass us?’
Ain’t my fault, I was just repeating this professor emeritus from America
But my tone was like
An Afghani kid without a home, blew that bitch up with a drone
An Iraqi with no daddy, Palestinian throwing stones
The fuck you think they call him?
Unexpected Lupe but I’m here for it.
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