I don’t want to turn this place into my personal journal, so hopefully this is the last post of its kind that I do here (I do have a general question in mind to also post here though). Although I do wish this place was busier so that people could discuss their journeys without feeling like they’re taking over, or feeling too exposed.
On the subject of labels. I am sticking with non-binary now and deciding to make the conscious effort to stop thinking of myself as an imposter or invader, whether I ever actually take any steps towards HRT or not. I feel 99% sure that if all of this stuff was openly discussed and accepted in my country when I was a kid, I would’ve read the definition of non-binary and been “Yup! That’s me!” Just like when I finally read the definition way too late in life. And if that had been the case, I feel like a lot of things in life would’ve been better and made sense or felt fairer to me.
As far as HRT goes, I am very open to trying, mostly to see how it feels. I feel like as long as I have only ever known having T in charge of things, and have never experienced E driving me, part of me will always feel like an imposter. Reading up on the effects of switching to E, almost all of it sounds beneficial to me. Except for one of the two irreversible effects, breast growth. This is the difference between doing this without needing to explain anything to anyone and publicly coming out. I have seen people report that it starts fairly early. And I already have a kinda prominent chest and reason to believe it would end up being quite hard to hide.
Either way, it’s not on the cards soon due to finances, living situation etc. And either way, I would still be non-binary because I am also 99% sure that if I was AFAB but still had the same personality and experience in a binary world, I would’ve also read the definition of non-binary and been “Yup! That’s me!”
So for now, I’m actually happy owning this body and by extension the way society looks at me for a while longer. I’m happy being GNC at most for now. And I’m going to use this time to work on my mind, work on a regular income, work on my general health, work out, and prepare for what the future may bring.
If anyone responds here and I don’t respond and / or upvote and stuff right away, it’ll be because it’s currently 2am here and I’ve finally fallen asleep. Although I am planning on another joint and cup of coffee.
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I wish you all the best.
My youngest finally worked up the courage to tell my spouse and I that they are non binary. We are helping them in any way we can, but HRT has not come up yet.
I hope that you’re in a country that’s not going crazy and turning back the clock on social progress. I came to this awakening late in life and I’m not even planning on telling my parents. The only family members I would tell are my two older sisters but if they went badly it would break me, so I probably won’t.
I’m kinda in a similar spot. I look like a standard issue dude and am fine with people seeing me as one. I prefer it actually because it’s easier and probably safer. I’ve managed to stop feeling like an imposter for the most part but I went through a lot of trial and error 😅 Presenting androgynously would make me an imposter because I’d just be doing it to fit in when in reality it’s just not the type of enby I am. I’m fairly genderfluid and my wardrobe does reflect that but in a subtle way. If someone thinks I shouldn’t be in queer spaces because my experience isn’t hardcore enough or whatever then that’s on them. I’ve had enough insightful conversations with trans and/or enby people to be able to confidently ignore haters because I know this is where I belong. HRT would be interesting for sure. I think I might just try progesterone at some point to see what the feeling is like. But if boob growth is the only thing holding you back it might be worth considering that it can be hidden with a binder or mitigated with surgery.
